Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf!
by Miss Madd
Summary: Kiba learns the hard way he should always kill his dinner when his would be snack gets away and is turned into a werefox… and his new mate. That’s what you get for playing with your food! KibaNaru, lemons later, AU MPreg COMPLETE :
1. Chapter 1

_**Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf!**_

_**By: Madd Envy Freak**_

_**Summary: Kiba learns the hard way he should always kill his dinner when his would be snack gets away and is turned into a were-fox… and his new mate. That's what you get for playing with your food! KibaNaru, lemon later**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own. sigh**_

---

**Chapter One: Little Red Riding Hood**

People always say werewolves are big, ferocious monsters with huge teeth, claws, and hairy bodies. That they stalk the living and feed off their insides. Werewolves are one of the most vicious of all the devil's monsters, the local pastor says.

Next to that evil child born out of wedlock, anyway.

And that always _pissed_ Naruto off. Seriously. Since when were innocent, never-hurt-anyone teenagers more evil than _werewolves_? That just didn't make sense to him. Then again, a lot of stuff didn't make sense to him. The village he lived in, their insane fear of werewolves that _obviously_ did not exist, their stupid curfew…

They were all a bunch of superstitious idiots, as far as he was concerned. Except for Iruka, but that man was also one of the few people Naruto called family. Well, the only person, really.

Sighing, he hurried along the busy city streets. The sun was setting and he had to get home. Just because there weren't any werewolves didn't mean the villagers didn't act like real monsters sometimes.

---

Werewolves are many things. Strong, intelligent, swift, and in some cases, down right malicious. They, however, are never _ugly or furry_. Ask any self-respecting werewolf where his animal skin is, or crap like that, and he would laugh in your face before he ripped it off.

See, there was some truth in all those stupid myths. Werewolves _did_ like to eat people. They _were_ tasty, after all.

And Kiba was down right _ravenous_ that night.

---

Naruto blinked dumbly at Iruka's locked door. Where was Iruka?

Pouting and crossing his arms in contemplation, he attempted to remember anything Iruka may have said to explain his current missing-in-action status. A little light bulb blinked to life in his brain as he recalled Iruka had to travel to a neighboring village that day with Kakashi.

"That would explain why I haven't seen him all day…" he muttered to himself as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and headed towards the woods. Normally Naruto stayed with Iruka if he was out after sunset, as the man lived in town… Naruto, however, didn't have that luxury. He lived in a little cabin about half a mile in the woods that had once belonged to his father.

Grumbling in annoyance, he kicked at a few stray pebbles as he made his way down the unpaved, gravel road.

It was getting dark, he noted dryly. Very dark. Not that he was worried about werewolves, or vampires, or any silly thing like that… but he had heard about some poor kid who had gotten lost in the woods once at night. They found the kid a week later; well, what was left of him.

The village screamed werewolf. Iruka, the sensible man that he was, said it was merely a pack of actual wolves. And, since Naruto had actually _seen_ wolves, he was more apt to believe in them over werewolves.

Shaking his head clear of such silly thoughts, he concentrated on the great feast he would prepare once he reached home…

Ah… Ramen…

"Little brats like you shouldn't be out at night."

Jumping in surprise, Naruto jerked around to look at the speaker, blinking dumbly at the scruffy-looking teen behind him. Who was this guy? And what was with the tattoos? And… was it just him, or did this guy look, well, slightly canine? Weird.

"Who you calling a brat, dog breath?" he snapped back.

He saw the corner of the teens eye twitch and a low growl erupt from his chest, before he took a deep breath and calmly asked, "What are you doing out here, eh?"

"How is that any of _your_ business?" he retorted, crossing his arms indignantly.

---

This was… one annoying snack. Where the hell did the whisker faced idiot get off calling him dog breath? Kiba twitched violently as he looked over the golden haired human, licking his teeth subconsciously. He may have one hell of a mouth, but the brat looked fucking _tasty_.

Ignoring the kid's retort, he looked around curiously, "So, you alone out here?"

Blue eyes narrowed, "What's it to you?"

"Just curious is all, man. You know there are werewolves and stuff in these woods, right?"

"Tch. That's a load of crap. I'm more worried about the villagers than something like a stupid werewolf."

'Stupid… werewolf…?' This kid… was LUNCH.

Then again… he looked the kid up and down once more, a slight smirk twitching over his lips. He _was_ rather tasty looking… so… why not play with his food first?

"So, you don't believe in werewolves, kid?"

"Noooo…"

He's looking nervous now. He can _smell_ the fear. Perfect.

"Really? You so sure about that?" Kiba drawled, licking his fangs as he stalked towards the now shaking blond.

"Of course I'm sure, idiot! I know werewolves and ah--wait… what the hell are you doing out here if you believe in them so much?"

"Werewolves don't scare me."

"Y-yeah? Why not?"

"'Cause I am one, moron."

"W-what? That's not possible, idiot, werewolves don't--"

"Exist? Just because you don't believe doesn't mean I won't eat you."

---

Was this guy serious? Did he really think he was a werewolf? No way. Then again, the way he was stalking towards him, looking ready to bite him… well, it was better safe than sorry, right?

Naruto booked it.

---

End chapter : p


	2. Chapter 2

_**Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf!**_

_**By: Madd Envy Freak**_

_**A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates... my old computer crashed and I lost all my old files and crap... plus I had final exams to study for. TT so, yeah. And I just found out my mom could be like, dieing... so, yeah. -sigh-**_

_**---**_

**Chapter Two: The Proper Way to Bite**

The world was a strange, cruel place really. One minute he's walking home, minding his own business, just hoping to get some tasty ramen... the next he's being chased by some freak with fangs and a wolf fetish. Did God hate him that much?

According to the priest, yes.

Then again, that man was full of crap; thus, Naruto felt his opinion didn't count.

Nope.

Not in the least.

And the fact that he was indeed being chased by a freak? Didn't prove anything.

Nope.

Nothing. At. All.

Shiiiiiit, God really did hate him... damn that priest for being right!

"You can run, but you can't hide, brat!"

'_You can run, but you can't hide'_? Did this guy know how cliche he was sounding?

Now, Naruto being as naturally sarcastic and not very bright as he was, became very tempted to turn and yell at the dog breathed teen that was lazily running after him to go to hell, fuck off, or various other insults. Thankfully, his natural need to preserve his own hide overcame his built-in stupidity.

---

He had to hand it to the kid-he was a fast, scrappy little thing. Then again, he always loved fast food.

Kiba narrowed his eyes as he experimentally sniffed the air, a feral grin tugging at his lips. Smelled good too.

"Where you going, kid? I won't hurt you _too_ bad."

"FUCK YOU, FREAK!"

Freak? That little... to fuck with being nice and letting the kid have a sporting chance, that kid was going to be fucking jerky by the time he was through with him... Or maybe a nice skin rug?

Nah. That was something that damned Uchiha would have... good for nothing pompous bastard...

DAMN HIM AND HIS ALPHA-NESS!

---

Naruto's eyes bugged out in horror when he heard the animalistic howl of rage from behind him.

'_Oh my GOD... this guy is really going to KILL me!'_

'_DUMB ASS! You had to call him a freak, didn't you? You couldn't just keep your big, stupid mouth shut and RUN, could you? Noooooo, you had to be a damned idiot. Well, now he's going to tear you apart!'_

'_AAAAHHHHHHHHH! I DON'T WANNA DIE!'_

Wait... was that...? YES! Run towards the light!

A triumphant grin flashed over his face when his beloved, warm, freak-free cabin came into view. He was SAVED!

Closer... closer... aaaaand...

YES!

Naruto barreled through the door and slammed it shut behind him, gasping for breath as he latched the heavy lock. Letting out a relieved breath, he let his head rest against the heavy oak.

There was no way even a deranged freak was going to get in!

HA!

---

Kiba raised a curious eyebrow as the blond laughed to himself. Was this kid manic or something? Or did all humans break into fits of laughter after being chased by a werewolf?

Weird ass kid.

"Oi, nice place you got here."

Ah-ha. The slow, horror stricken turn around. He loved that look. It always gave his pray that cliche deer-in-the-headlights look.

"H-How the hell did you get in here..."

Awwww... how cute... he was stuttering. Kiba licked his lips and smirked, "You left the window open, did you know that? Not a good move, living out here in the woods. Anybody could get in..."

Pushing himself up from the wall he as leaning on, he stalked towards the clearly horrified boy and drawled out, "Come on, kid, I gave you a fair chance to run away... now be a good little snack and hold still while I eat you up."

Kiba watched with deranged fascination as horror passed over the tan skin before something else dawned... disgust.

"YOU FUCKING PERVERT!"

Pervert? Whaaaaat?

"THAT'S WHAT THIS IS, ISN'T IT? CHASING ME AROUND AND FREAKING ME OUT SO YOU CAN MOLEST ME! WELL, FUCK IF I'M GUNNA LET A BASTARD LIKE YOU DO THAT! I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!"

...What the FUCK?

Well, now that the kid mentioned it... he was pretty damned tasty looking, in a blond way...

Kiba pounced, dragging the boy to the floor, "You know, originally I just planned on killing you and eating you, but you made a great suggestion..." leaning closer, Kiba ran his tongue across the tan flesh of the boy's neck and growled into his ear, "I think I'll have some fun with you first, after all."

---

Naruto stared up at the dark haired older teen in horror. What the hell was that running up his leg...? He glanced down nervously and his eyes widened even further.

"D-Don't touch me!" he stammered, trying to shove the deranged lunatic away with all his might.

Which, sadly for him, didn't get him very far.

"Tch, ungrateful brat... here I am, trying to make it good for you too... and I don't' even get a 'thank you'..." Naruto cried out in pain as teeth were roughly shoved into his shoulder, and squirmed against the rough hands forcing themselves down into his pants, "you should be more grateful, whisker face."

Panic was slowly becoming Naruto's dearest friend. Glancing around for anything that could be of use to him, he spotted one of his many ramen bowls laying on the floor.

YES! His savior, dear, beloved, holiest of food--RAMEN!

Snatching the hard, ceramic bowl from the floor he slammed it against the side of his attackers head as hard as he could... trying to block out the tingling feeling rushing through his body.

---

Something hit him.

Hard.

And it _fucking_ hurt.

With a snarl, Kiba pulled away form his prey and held onto his now bleeding temple.

"You little... FUCK!"

---

Naruto wasn't a smart man. Nor was he overly intelligent. In fact, many of the villagers would call him an idiot, or retard, or dumb ass, or various other insults targeting his lack of common sense.

Of course, even the dumbest slug could tell this freaked-up guy was going to kill him.

Yup.

---

He was going to kill him.

Dead.

And there would be blood. Lots and lots of blood.

Pushing himself up off the floor with a low growl, he stalked towards his prey. Until a shudder went down his spine.

...shit.

He glanced out the window at the lightening sky, which was turning a pretty shade of pink, before snapping his attention back to the cowering boy, "I'll be back to finish you off, brat."

---

And he was gone.

Yup.

Just like that.

Gone. Poof! Disappeared.

Well, not really. He actually jumped out the window and ran into the forest...

But that was the same thing right?

---

"So, little bro, how was your hunt?"

Kiba growled in annoyance at his sister as he followed behind the damned Uchiha (head of the pack or not he was still a bitch), "Had to let the damned brat go."

He could feel that damned Sasuke smirking. And drawling something about superior breeding.

But the bastard's opinion didn't matter at all.

Good for nothing, lazy ass, fucking--

"Kiba, you idiot, are you listening?"

"Eh, you say something, nee-chan?"

"Arg, you're such a mutt! You didn't bite the thing, did you?"

...so what if he did?

"You didn't, did you?"

Why the hell did Sasuke care if he bit people, damn it.

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

Kiba raised an eyebrow at his sister's suddenly violent temper as Akamaru, his beloved companion he had recently been reunited with after a night of hunting, cowered in fear behind him.

"You better hope he doesn't turn, Inuzuka."

Fuck. Uchiha sounded pissed.

Turned?

Oh. SHIT.

---------------------------

End of chapter! WOOOT!


	3. Chapter 3

_**Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf**_

_**By: Madd Envy Freak**_

_**Chapter Three: Witch Hazel**_

_**---**_

Naruto was officially, and utterly... paranoid.

After the little incident with the deranged dog freak-whom apparently thought himself a rabid wolf rapist-he had taken to boarding all of the windows in his house and installing various sets of locks on his door.

Locks he had actually gotten from a mother-henning Iruka four years prior when he had first moved in. Now he was seriously beginning to regret his decision to forgo the offer to have Iruka install them all that day...

After all, he grew up in the woods; it wasn't like he was afraid of the animals. The villagers were his main fear... and he never expected some deranged lunatic to follow him home!

So, after many hours of obsessively putting up boards and planks to keep out any other unwanted rapists, he grabbed his pack and a newly sharpened knife and headed out towards town. Once he was sure there was no one out in the woods watching him, that is.

---

It was Sunday.

Shit.

Naruto sighed heavily as he rushed about the market place, quickly collecting his merchandise from the few vendors who didn't hate him. For some reason, the God fearing citizens of Konoha always seemed to hate him even more after Sunday church...

It was ironic, really, that the people of the town should hate him so much. His father was the town's favorite priest before he died, after all. Then again, perhaps that was where all this started... with his birth.

What kind of a priest, a man of GOD, committed the sin of lust? Though, according to legend (for that's what his father was, a demon slaying legend), the man had accepted that he had indeed slaked his humanly urges with a woman, and Naruto himself was the outcome. He had to admire his father for that, he didn't hide behind demons or devils tricking him into acting like half the people of Konoha did, but he accepted his own sins and repented. So he heard from Iruka, anyway.

The people of Konoha had a different theory.

Demon.

Monster.

Sin incarnate.

So many wonderful things they compared him to. And his mother... he wouldn't even repeat the horrible things his mother was called.

And yet... part of him knew they were both true and untrue. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he recalls a pair of demonic red eyes staring down at him with something akin to motherly love... Perhaps his mother really was a demon, or a witch who sold her soul to the devil.

Not that he believed in such superstitious nonsense.

He spotted Iruka by the ramen stand and grinned. His favorite person must have been back from his mission! Waving frantically, he rushed over to the scar bearing young man.

---

"Are you positive it was this village?"

"Yes, Sasuke-sama," Kiba growled roughly under his breath as he glowered at the smug looking leader of the pack.

"Good. Spread out. Sniff him out."

The others gave off a chorus of 'yes, Sasuke-sama' before they quickly disappeared into the village.

"Oh, and mutt."

Biting back a growl, Kiba turned to Sasuke and lowered his head, waiting for the male to speak.

_Damn cocky bastard..._

"You better hope he doesn't turn. We have enough trouble feeding the pack as it is."

With a sharp nod, Kiba was off. Growling angrily to himself, he shook his mop of unruly brown hair and signaled his dog pup out of the woods. Sasuke-bitch didn't like having the bloodhounds near the village, but he was going to be damned if he left him out of this, too! It was bad enough the bitch made them split up for hunting...

If the damned wolf wasn't so strong, he'd kick his ass.

Too bad they never found out what happened to the other male who challenged him...

He shuddered to himself; the blood could still be smelt on the pack's grounds.

Shaking his head to dispel the bloody thoughts from his mind, he clutched his fingers into a tight fist as he walked on, looking for the previous night's meal.

"Arrooo-oof?"

Kiba glanced down and grinned apologetically at his best friend and companion, "Yeah, sorry Akamaru. Got a bit mad there... don't worry, we'll find the brat."

Akamaru whined and Kiba scratched behind the dog's ears absentmindedly, thinking back to a time when having new werewolves join the pack wouldn't have been such a bad thing... A time before those damned humans started invading demon and animal territory...

Now... everything was so cramped up they could barely find the food to feed themselves without the farmers and townsfolk growing anxious and fidgety. The last time that had happened, they had lost half of their pack...

He paused, and sniffed the air.

Ha! Wolf that wasn't wolf.

"Come on, boy. Found him."

"Arf!"

---

Sasuke Uchiha glared at the disgusting humans as he stalked through the city, intent on correcting the mistake a certain mutt had created.

Gods above, how he hated these pathetic, ugly creatures. How his bastard of an older brother could stomach living with them was beyond him. In truth, it was one of the only things he didn't understand. Growling to himself softly in frustration, he ran slender fingers through his raven black hair and wrinkled his nose in disgust.

Tch. They even smell horrible.

"I heard horrible howling last night!"

"Really?"

"Yes... it was coming from _his_ house's direction!"

Sasuke's ears twitched slightly and he glanced at the gossiping humans out of the corner of his eye.

That idiot, Kiba... being heard. Tch.

"Do you think it was the demon?"

"No... it sounded like a _werewolf_."

He rolled his eyes in disgust as they crossed themselves. As if such a thing could save them. Shaking his head, he walked away. Humans and their obsession with demons.

"Oi, Iruka-senseeeeeeeeeeeiiiiiiii!"

A sudden chill ran down Sasuke's spine as a blur of gold and orange rushed passed him towards a ramen stand. Black eyes widened as he watched the blonde run away from him, waving at a dark skinned man merrily.

That golden haired, lithe, god amongst men...

Smelled of wolf.

A predatory grin flashed and his canines glinted dangerously as he let his eyes wander over the petite form and he subconsciously licked his lips.

Perhaps Kiba's idiocy would prove to be a good thing after all.

He glanced up as said wolf jogged up to him.

---

"He tried to _what_?"

Naruto nodded with wide, horrified eyes, "It's true! He tried to rape me, in my own house! Can you believe that! The sick bastard followed me home! Then he said he was going to kill me!"

Iruka gaped at the apparently lucky to be alive blond, "Are you alright? Did you board up the windows?"

"Yeah, then I put all those damned locks on my door! Fuck if anyone else is getting into my house!"

A shiver went down Naruto's spine and he froze.

"What is it?"

Slowly, Naruto turned around and his eyes bugged out, seeing his would-be-rapist standing only a few meters away with some equally freaky emo-looking kid.

_Holy fuck! He came after me!_ Naruto thought in distress while quickly telling Iruka not to worry.

When he glanced back, he was relieved to see the two men were gone.

_Must have been my imagination._

_---_

It wasn't that Naruto hated the church, it was just that, well, he hated what it represented.

And what it did.

Every day on his way to the market and on his way home he would pass by the very place his mother was burned. The ground here was marred, tainted by an eternal black swirl that would not go away, no matter how hard the villagers scrubbed it. It also happened to be here that his father, the beloved priest Arashi, threw himself into the flames to burn with his lover.

Suicide was an instant ticket to Hell, the church said. Yet, they forgave him and called it bewitchment.

Even in death his father was bewitched.

Part of him knew that stopping to stare at such a place was definitely not a good thing, nor did it make him look any less guilty in the eyes of the villagers... evil sought after its own, after all. Yet, he could not help but stand in the center of the swirl and gaze down at it, clutching his small bag of supplies to his chest. This was the only place he could still feel them. This place of death, a curse to the village...

It was from here, after all, that the great fire spread which nearly destroyed the entire village.

Sometimes the bitter part of him wished it would have burned.

Absentmindedly, and completely unaware to the many sets of eyes (human and otherwise) watching him, he let his foot trace the swirl and the small black char marks radiating from it.

The witch's final curse.

_Leave now, Kit._

Whispers.

Naruto nervously glanced over his shoulder at the villagers who were whispering amongst themselves. He should leave.

Yup.

Quickly continuing on his way, he passed the angry looking (and growing) mob of people only to be caught by the arm.

"Where are you going, huh?"

"Home, sir."

Act meek, play possum. Wait until they let go and run.

Never fight.

"Tch. Home to your demon friends, probably... We all heard those hellhounds last night, and this morning Kimiko's pigs were all gone. How do you explain that, eh?"

"I don't know, sir."

The grip tightened.

"I bet you don't, demon."

Demon. Monster. Bastard child... they all resulted in the same thing. He steeled himself and shut his eyes, flinching away from the man. Something hard hit the side of his head, and he let out a pained yowl as he dropped his bag to the ground in favor of holding his bleeding temple in his hands.

He was only vaguely aware of his supplies falling out of his bag and rolling away before the dizziness overcame him and his body fell limp to the ground.

---------------

End Chapter


	4. Chapter 4

_**Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf!**_

_**by: Madd Envy Freak**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own, obviously. **_

_**A/N: Again, thank you all for the reviews. I sat for like an hour rereading them all today XD You all ROCK!**_

_**-Glomps- **_

_**Oh! And, for those of you who haven't read my other fics that had blatant Sasuke-abuse, I must warn you... I am a major Sasuke-basher. Yusssss. BEWARE SASUKE LOVERS!**_

_**Kyuubi appears! Just not in the usual way...**_

_**And, Kyuubi's lullaby is made by meh. (as morbid as it is)**_

_**---**_

_**Chapter Four, Part One: Kyuubi's Lullaby**_

_**---**_

"_Hush, little baby, don't say a word_

_Kyuubi's gonna kill you a mockingbird_

_If that mockingbird don't bleed_

_Kyuubi's gonna catch you a farmer's steed_

_If that farmer's steed turns and runs,_

_Kyuubi's gonna bring you that farmer's gun_

_If that gleaming gun doesn't shoot_

_Kyuubi's gonna kill the farmer, he doesn't give a hoot_

_If that farmer's guts aren't red,_

_Kyuubi's gonna bring you his wife's severed head_

_If that severed head rolls over,_

_Kyuubi's gonna bring you his dog named Rover_

_If that dog named Rover won't bark,_

_Kyuubi's gonna make him pull your cart_

_If that dog and cart fall down,_

_You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town."_

Arashi looked up with a slight smile, "Don't you think that's a bit morbid for a child's lullaby, darling?"

Kyuubi looked up, deep green eyes shimmering in the dim firelight, "Of course not, love. He likes it just fine, look, he's already sleeping."

Leaning over the cradle, Arashi peered past the blankets and grinned at his sleeping child, "So he is."

"He looks just like you, Arashi-chan."

The blonde man let out a soft chuckle as he wrapped his arm around his lover's dainty shoulder, "Poor lad will have all the ladies after him."

Kyuubi chuckled, crimson red hair rippling like tides of blood over pale shoulders, "Perhaps. Or maybe all the men? You're such a pretty thing yourself."

Laughing, Arashi shrugged as he made his way to their bedroom, "Jealous, darling? You know I only have eyes for you."

Kyuubi waved the laughing man away, "Go to bed, love. I'll be there in a moment's time."

Green eyes traveled slowly back to gaze down at the bundle of golden hair and tanned skin in the small cradle, "You can stop pretending, little kit. Daddy's gone off to bed now."

Wide blue eyes blinked groggily up at its mother and the tiny baby made an adorable cooing sound.

"Ah, my little baby," clawed hands scooped up the baby and rested him against a flat chest, "what shall we do about those nasty villagers, hmm? I hear them, you know... whispering. They fear us, I think..." Kyuubi smiled down at the baby and let his glamour fall, "What would they say, I wonder, if they knew their beloved priest slept with a demon, hmmm? Silly little humans, Arashi wasn't made for their world. Alas, my little baby, we'll always have each other, neh?"

Again, the baby cooed as it stared up into loving eyes, the color of fresh blood.

"Even after those bastards kill me, I'll never let you go," the demon growled as he dragged a claw against smooth, soft, baby fine skin.

_**---**_

_**Chapter Four, Part Two: Alpha Means Nothing**_

_**---**_

Naruto's eyes slowly opened and they blinked groggily, batting away the image of blood and claws. Wherever he was, it was dark. And warm. Letting his tired blue eyes drift closed again, he cuddled into the warm furs covering him.

...Furs?

Pushing himself up and away from the unexpected comfort, he looked around and took in his surrounding. It appeared to be a hut of some kind, made of bent tree branches and what smelt like tanned hides. The bed or what he had thought to be a bed, turned out to be nothing more than a nest of soft, cozy furs belts.

The whole place looked primitive.

"We should just kill him, before he changes."

Naruto blinked, and looked towards the side of the hut-like structure, when a single, large deer hide was hanging.

A door? Crawling stealthily over to it, he listened to the voices on the other side.

---

"Kill him? But we went to all the trouble to get him here!" Kiba whined, Akamaru barking in agreement, ears flat against his head.

Sakura, the pink haired alpha female, snorted, "Idiot. We can't afford to feed another mouth! It's bad enough you're still here, sapping away at our resources! Sasuke-kun does all he can to keep this pack going!"

"And yet we're all nearly starving..." Kiba growled to himself viciously.

"WHAT was that?!" Sakura growled, eyes narrowing.

"Nothing, Sakura-san..."

"Well then. We'll have him put to sleep or something. The sooner the be--"

"No."

Kiba growled low in his throat as he turned to glower at the approaching Uchiha. Sasuke. Fists clenched, to the point of nearly drawing blood as he bowed to his superior... God, how he wanted to kill that bastard. To think, a pompous, outsider wolf like that had become leader... it wasn't right.

"The blond has already taken."

Sakura gasped, glomping onto her would be mate as he glared down at her, "Are you sure, Sasuke-kun?"

The dark wolf sneered at her, "You'd have to be an idiot not to notice."

"S-sorry, Sasuke-kun."

"So, Uchiha, what do you propose we do?" Kiba snapped, crossing his arms.

Akamaru made a whining sound and trotted away towards the hut.

Traitor.

"By his scent, I'd say he'll be a beta wolf, obviously," a predatory grin spread over his lips, "I'm going to keep him as one of my mates."

Sakura pouted and muttered under her breath but nodded nonetheless.

'_He's going to keep him, that's not fair, damn it! I turned the little bastard! If anyone should keep him, it should be me!'_

"Unless, of course, you would like to argue, Inuzuka?"

Kiba glanced up into the mocking eyes of his alpha and growled softly, shaking his head. Sasuke gave him a twisted little smirk and Kiba could only glare at the ground. Of course, he could hate the bastard all he wanted, but the ties of the wolf pack kept him from voicing them.

It was times like these that he loathed being a werewolf.

Akamaru gave a yelp as a pissed off blond stormed from the hut, "Yeah, well, I do!"

The three werewolves turned to blink at the huffing short, tanned boy.

"You have no choice, Koi." Sasuke drawled, reaching a clawed hand to the soft face and caressing softly, "I'm the alpha male. If I want to fuck you..." he paused to drag his claws against supple pinks lips, "then you spread your legs and ask 'how hard?' Got it?"

"Fuck you," was he reply as sharp canine's bit down onto Sasuke's fingertips.

Snarling, Sasuke jerked back, bringing his injured hand to his chest, "You bitch--"

Naruto flung his fist forward, slamming his clenched hand against the pale boy's face, "Now you listen up, you deranged wolf-freaks! I don't know what the hell you people are on, but I don't want any part of it! And my name isn't bitch! It's Uzumaki Naruto! Remember that!"

With that, the blond turned and stalked away.

That day history was made. Uchiha Sasuke had his first bruise.

Dark eyes narrowed as he wiped away the blood from his lip, "Get me Tsunade. There's something off about that bitch. You," Sasuke barked, turning to glare at Kiba, "he's your problem--go catch him and bring him back!"

Kiba nodded quickly, too afraid to speak lest he break out into laughter.

---

He was lost.

Not in the 'just too damn proud to ask directions' way, but in the 'Oh my GAWD, I'm going to die out here' kind of way.

Naruto crumpled to the ground and banged his head against a random tree.

God hated him.

Loathed him even.

And, right now, God or whatever eternal being is up there, was laughing it's eternal ass off at the blonde's pain.

Freaking God...

"Oi, you'll give yourself brain damage like that, fox face."

Oh, great, his rapist was back.

"Here to kill me or rape me this time, dog breath?"

Haha, the dog-freak's eye was twitching.

"Neither. Sasuke wants me to drag your sorry ass back. So, we can do it the hard way, or the easy way."

Naruto sighed heavily, deflated, "Ok."

"'OK'? That's it?" Kiba demanded, cocking an eyebrow suspiciously, "No sarcasm or shit?"

"Don't feel like it."

"Tch, maybe Sasuke was right, you are a good little bitch."

"Not for that bastard!" Naruto snarled, eyes flashing.

---

Kiba watched, eyes widening slightly as the kid's eyes turned red.

RED.

Holy shit!

Even amongst werewolves that was definitely not normal. Still even if the kid was a freak, he stood up to Uchiha and gave the fucker a pretty little bruise... so, in Kiba's book, he was ok.

"Come on, brat, let's go."

Dark eyes narrowed and a feral smirk twitched over his lips, threatening to reveal his canine's as he eyed the slender body when it trudged past. Kiba patted himself on the back for his excellent tastes--this kid was definitely delicious.

A freak, yeah, but delicious none the less.

---------------------------------

End chapter. WOOTNEss!


	5. Chapter 5

_**Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf!**_

_**By: Madd Envy Freak**_

_**---**_

_**Chapter Five: Battle for Supremacy**_

_**---**_

Tsunade swirled the Sake around in her cup for a moment before bringing the porcelain container to her lips and downing the remainder of the liquid. She was having one of those feelings again... the kind that told her something really, really annoying was about to happen. Then again, ever since that damned Sasuke took over the pack, everything had become annoying. That little bastard didn't know one thing about taking care of a family; let alone how to keep them from getting discovered by humans.

Little Shit.

Groaning, she pinched the bridge of her nose and reached for the small bottle of Sake. Ah, Sake. Her one true joy in life... how she loved the vile tasting liquid. It made everything all right again. No longer was the pack starving, or on the verge of not producing any strong, able pups. They weren't going to die out from years of crappy leaders.

"Tsunade-sama, Tsunade-sama!"

Ugh, Sakura... How she regretted teaching that pink haired Sasuke-addict anything...

"What is it, Sakura?" She drawled, looking up at the pink haired teen, cheeks rosy from the alcohol pumping through her system.

"Sasuke-kun wants you to take a look at that new werewolf, he says there's something wrong with him."

Tsunade mentally scoffed; Sasuke was the last person to say there was something wrong with someone. Hypocritical little shit...

"Fine, where is the little brat?"

"...He ran off after he punched Sasuke-kun. That idiot, Kiba, is chasing him now," Sakura muttered, clearly displeased at the behavior of their newest pack member.

Tsunade blinked, Sake bottle falling from her fingers, "He hit Sasuke?"

"Yes! Can you believe the nerve of that boy! He should be honored Sasuke-kun wanted him for a mate! Not everyone gets that kind of opportunity!"

Opportunity... yeah, right. Tsunade frowned and leaned back in her mound of furs, golden eyes narrowing slightly. As funny as the whole thing was, Sakura was right--according to natural pack pecking order instincts, the new arrival should have been rolling around for the Uchiha. Something was definitely off... The last time this had happened was that self-righteous Hyuuga wolf... and he was chased away-- violently. Then again, the Hyuuga was born a werewolf, that damned Uchiha was turned. Granted, he was turned by his brother when he was too young to remember being human, but he was still a lowly beta wolf then.

Tapping her well-manicured nails against her lip in thought, she nodded, "All right, bring the brat to me."

"Ah, Tsunade-sama, Sasuke-kun wants you to go to him."

Tsunade's eye twitched as she growled. Damned brat had no respect at all.

---

Naruto looked around at all the werewolves nervously. There sure were a lot of them... and none of them looked happy. Save a few of the giggling and simpering girls crowded around a smirking Sasuke.

A giggle erupted from his throat when a random thought popped up in his head.

"What's so funny, whisker face?"

Sobering up quickly, Naruto turned to look at the taller, dark haired Kiba. Smile threatening to twitch back on when he noted the curiously raised eyebrow, Naruto shrugged, "Just thinking, dog breath."

"Wow, must have hurt," Kiba drawled, smirking.

"Jerk..." Naruto muttered, "Actually, I was just thinking Sasuke-bastard looks more like a peacock right now than a wolf..."

All emotion left Kiba's face as he stared at the blond blankly for a second, before he and his trusty dog Akamaru both burst out into rough barks of laughter. Naruto left a shiver go up his spine. Kiba had a nice laugh. It was so strong, rough, and dominating...

Dominating? What the hell did that mean? Oh God, was insanity contagious? That must be it... he was infected by the crazy from when Kiba bit him. These people weren't werewolves; they were all crazy people infected with some contagious brain eating disease that made them think and act, well, crazy. That was a logical explanation, right? Much more logical than actual werewolves, anyway.

"Sasuke is glowering at you, dumb ass." Kiba hissed suddenly, back going rigid.

Naruto blinked up at him dumbly, "So?"

Kiba gaped, "So? SO? He's the alpha of this pack! He's the boss!"

"Not of me he isn't!" The shorter boy scoffed, crossing his arms and sticking his nose into the air pompously, "I'm not going to let some deranged, crazy, ego-maniac boss me around!"

Slowly shaking his head, Kiba grinned that roguish grin Naruto was coming to like very much, "You're a scrappy little squirt, I'll give you that."

Oh GOD. Kiba was smirking at him. Suddenly, for reasons Naruto blamed on the infectious brain eating disease, he felt like cuddling up to him and then prancing about wagging a fluffy, non-existent tail, and pouncing on a rabbit to bring back to him.

What the hell was that about?

Shaking the strange thoughts from his head (what the hell were those, anyway? Wolves don't even pounce!) He glanced up as a woman came marching towards them, Sakura on her heels.

Dear gods...

That woman had the biggest boobs Naruto had ever seen! There was no way those were real... He shivered in disgust. They were so springy and bouncy... Ewww.

Kiba had apparently noticed his half-awed and half-horrified expression, because he leaned over to whisper, "That's Tsunade-sama, she's the pack healer."

Naruto, brain turning to mush from the close proximity of a male that practically exuded dominance, only made out the words 'Tsunade' and 'healer' before his knees turned to jellow.

What the Hell was going on?! And where the FUCK were those damned freaky thoughts coming from? Was the brain eating disease really having that much of an effect on him? Oh God, he was going to be as crazy as the rest of these people soon!

Why, oh why, did God hate him so much? He had never done anything wrong!

Ok, that time he egged the church did NOT count. Bastards had it coming after nearly burning his dad's house down!

So, other than that one little incident... or fifty... he didn't do anything to deserve this!

"So, you're the new brat, eh?"

Naruto looked blankly up into golden eyes and blinked, "Uh, yeah?"

The woman, apparently named Tsunade, frowned down at him slightly before walking around him in a tight circle, heels clacking loudly against the ground. How the hell did she make her heels clank on the dirt?

Wait...

Did she just sniff him?

Weirdoes.

"He does have an odd odor."

...Odor? Hey, he took a bath last night, ok! Which was more than the villagers took in three years... combined.

"He is canine, correct?" Sasuke asked, strutting over to them.

Honestly. What was this guy? A supposed werewolf or a self centered peacock?

"Yes. However..." Tsunade paused and leaned forward, pig tails falling over her broad shoulders, to sniff his neck, "He is definitely not just Inuzuka-wolf."

Naruto blinked dumbly as whispers broke out amongst the circle. Great, he was a freak amongst freaks.

And now Sasuke was looking at him; no, leering at him. Bastard probably had a fetish for freaks or something.

"Do you think he was turned before, Tsunade-sama?" The pink haired girl, Sakura, asked with wide eyes.

Tsunade leaned back, frowning, "No, if he was, he would have been changed on the full moon, right? Besides, this other smell isn't wolf."

"What is it then, old woman?" Sasuke snapped, glaring at her.

Jeeze, what a jerk! Kiba would never talk to a lady like that! UGH! STOP THINKING ABOUT KIBA! FIGHT THE DISEASE, NARUTO!

Tsunade and Kiba raised an eyebrow as Naruto started to hit himself on the head but shrugged it off. Turning to the pack leader, Tsunade replied breezily, "I'm not sure, but I'd say he was canine at least. Maybe fox."

"Fox?" Kiba blinked, "Is that why his eyes turned red?"

Several eyes turned to look at the youngest Inuzuka, "His eyes turned red?" Sasuke growled, eyes narrowing.

_My eyes turned red?_ Naruto thought, surprised.

Kiba shrugged, "Yeah, when I went to go get him."

A pale hand shot out and coiled around Kiba's throat as Sasuke snarled, "Why didn't you say this before, idiot?"

_KILL HIM! HE'S ATTACKING YOUR MATE!_

Naruto didn't bother questioning the sudden voice in his head (another side effect of the brain eating disease, probably) and pounced on the Uchiha's arm, sinking his fangs into the soft flesh with a snarl. The darker haired male yowled in pain as he yanked his arm back, tearing the flesh as it went.

As a long pink tongue slipped out and licked the blood from sharp canines, a low growl emanated from the blonde's petite chest. Cradling his bleeding arm, Sasuke glared at him, his own dark, rumbling growl erupting from his chest.

When the blonde didn't back down from Sasuke's warning-snarl, Kiba whispered frantically, "Stand down, idiot. He's going to _kill_ you!"

"No." Naruto bit back, and smirked when Sasuke's eyes widened slightly, "If anyone's going to be top dog in this freak-show, it's going to be me!"

"Kitsune."

Glaring contest forgotten, Naruto turned to look at Tsunade with a confused, adorable face, "Eh?"

The woman smirked down at him (what was with these people and smirking?), "You're part Kitsune. They're canine, but when their blood is diluted with human blood, it's almost impossible to pick up. It also explains why you don't feel the pack connection and natural submission to an alpha male. What it doesn't explain, however, is the red eyes."

"So, maybe he's just a freak!" Kiba chirped, hooking an arm around a suddenly blushing and tipsy feeling Naruto.

Sasuke glowered.

Tsunade, however, shrugged, "Perhaps we should have Jiraiya check him?"

Wails of misery erupted from the female population.

"Whose Jiraiya?" Naruto whispered, looking up at Kiba.

Kiba sighed heavily, "A big pervert... and he's a curse specialist."

"She thinks I'm... cursed?" Naruto gulped.

Well, that would certainly explain his shit bad luck.

----------------

End Chapter


	6. Chapter 6

_**Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf!**_

_**by: Madd Envy Freak**_

_**A/N: Not much... uh...? o-O**_

_**---**_

_**Chapter Six: Enter the Big, Bad Pervert**_

_**---**_

Jiraiya was nowhere to be found. Which was a surprising thing, considering they checked every bath house, pleasure house, street corner, and every other random place naked or loose women might hang out.

Alas, there was no sight of the white haired pervert.

Which was a very bad thing for Naruto. Mostly because he was on the receiving end of several people's perversions. Apparently both Sasuke Uchiha AND Kiba Inuzuka were extreme perverts. Every time he so much as bent over he could _feel_ their eyes on his ass. Which was very scary. Well, the Bastard Uchiha staring was. That damned little voice he had gained due to his brain eating disease refused to go away and insisted he liked Kiba staring at him. And groping him. Which he did NOT. The voice did though. And that voice was very... persuasive.

'_He's staring at your ass again... why the hell doesn't he just get over here and fu--'_

"_SHUT UP!!!"_

Luckily for Naruto the various deranged freaks in the village had become accustomed to his random shouting and soon learned to disregard him when he began banging his head against random solid objects.

Yay!

He hoped they would find this old man soon. Maybe then he would tell them he was crazy and the freaks would kick him out! Yosh! Maybe he could use that weird red eyed thing to his advantage...?

Poor, poor Naruto... by the time he was done staring at his reflection in a puddle of water, willing his eyes to turn color, he had a major headache and nearly made himself permanently cross eyed.

Kiba had hit him on the head calling him a baka; the voice insisted it was a form of rough foreplay and recommended he rip his clothes off and bend over for the werewolf. He had told the voice to stuff it.

...And it certainly didn't take him ten minutes of debating to do it either!

Nope...

Sighing, Naruto plopped down on the mound of furs that was in his little hut, thing. It kind of reminded him of all those Indian tribes with the teepees made out of deer hides and twigs... only these were rounder.

'_They make nice love dens, though.'_

'_SHUT UP!' _Naruto whined in his mind, willing the perverted voice of his rotting brain away. It wasn't fair... not only was his brain getting eaten away, he was getting molested by deranged freaks and a voice in his head liked it!

God hated him.

Ugh.

Pushing himself up from the mounds of soft fur, he sulked out of the hut into the day light. Luckily for him (for once...) that freak Sasuke wasn't around, and Kiba apparently was off training with his dog.

Smiling happily to himself, because hey, it wasn't everyday he got rid of his stalkers, Naruto crept towards the forest. It's not like he was going to run away (what was the point in that? He'd just get lost... damn forest...), he was just going to take this opportunity to do something he had wanted to do since he first became aware of its existence...

BATHE IN THAT DAMN HOT SPRING WITHOUT PERVERTS WATCHING HIM!

'_You'd like a naked Kiba watching you.'_

'_SHUT UP!'_

Sneaking there was easy enough. Apparently the pack was off in the other direction ('_Damn...' 'SHUT UP!')_, so he arrived without trouble. Glancing around suspiciously, he nodded to himself, confident that all was clear. Grinning like a mad fox on crack, he shimmied out of his clothes and laid them down on a tree branch near the spring. He hopped over to the water and dipped his toe in, shivering at the contrasting warmth. Easing himself into the water, he let out a breathy sigh, settling back against a rock.

_Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice, _both he and his tag-a-long voice moaned.

And he closed his eyes, drifting off into a light sleep.

---

A certain perverted toad hermit sat high up in a tree branch, blood trickling down his nose as he scribbled down notes while he observed the young, naked blond in the water. It was his lucky day! After years and years of searching for the perfect character, he had finally found him! Ku ku ku ku...

The next edition of Icha Icha Paradise would be BRILLIANT! He would be able to retire off of the cash he would make! Then he could get far, far away from the evil woman who plagued his life...

Tsunade.

The slug sannin, wielder of the iron fist.

Woman with the biggest breasts he had ever seen.

Woman who invested in more cosmetic than all the women on the planet combined.

Abusing, dominating, and just plain scary.

Shuddering, he brought his binoculars back up to his eyes and continued his research.

---

His blond was gone! Kiba had searched everywhere in the village for his darling, annoying, loud little blond. Under the furs, in the tanning hut, in by Chouji and his folks (who also happened to be the pack cooks... he was certain the blond would have been there... DAMN!), and even out by that damn Uchiha's hut. Luckily his blond wasn't there getting raped or molested by his damn pack leader. Unluckily, he still couldn't find the misplaced blond.

Finally, after trying to get the frustrated wolf's attention for the past ten minutes, Akamaru gave up barking in favor of biting his owner on the leg.

"OUCH! What the hell, Akamaru?!" Kiba snarled, bending down to rub his now bleeding calf.

"ARF!"

"What?"

"Arf arf-arf!"

"Akamaru! You're right... sniff that brat out!"

"...arf..."

"Don't call me a baka!"

---

Naruto was naked.

Naruto was wet.

Naruto was asleep in a hot spring.

Naruto was naked, wet, and in a hot spring... alone.

Kiba jumped back to hide behind the bush, shielding Akamaru's eyes with one hand while he tried to stop the blood gushing from his nose with the other. Taking a deep, calming breath, he made to advance on his prey.

'_Wait... what's that smell?'_

Sniffing the air, Kiba's wolfish eyes narrowed and he looked up in the tree he was standing by. Naruto wasn't as alone as he thought... As lips curled back to reveal one long, sharp fang, he dug his claws into the tree trunk and began to climb.

---

Naruto wasn't asleep.

But he _was_ naked and wet in a hot spring.

Yawning, he stretched out his muscles and pushed himself away from the edge, floating along the surface of the water on his back. Oh, how he loved hot springs... and for once, God didn't hate him enough to ruin his happiness!

Yay!

CRASH, SPLASH!

Or not...

Damn God.

Screaming in horror at the white haired man who had just fallen into the spring, interrupting HIS personal bathing time, he dived under the water until he was as submerged as he could possibly be without drowning himself...

"Hmmm... you're even sexier wet up close!"

...which suddenly turned into a good idea, especially when Kiba jumped down onto the shore directly behind him.

"PERVERTS!" Naruto shrieked, pointing at them accusingly.

Ignoring the outburst, the white haired man got up out of the water and shook his long mane of hair before glaring over at Kiba, "You little brat! You interrupted my research!"

"Research! You were staring at my mate, you old bastard!"

"I'm not your mate!" Naruto whined, ignoring the voice in his head begging to differ.

"HA! You young fools know nothing of brilliant research!"

"It's not research, pervert!"

"You know nothing, brat!"

"Umm..." Naruto looked between the two older males and decided now would be a good time to try to salvage the situation by rescuing his clothes. Edging towards the edge of the spring, and keeping one eye on the two bickering males, Naruto reached up for his pants. Sadly, he couldn't quite reach them, even on his tip toes. Sinking back into the water with an almost inaudible groan, he pouted. He was naked in barely waste deep water and he couldn't reach his pants.

The groan turned into an exasperated whine. The only way to get his pants was to jump for them... Ugh.

Praying they wouldn't stop arguing, he glared up at his damned pants and jumped, just barely touching the soft fabric before he fell back into the water with a little splash. Growling to himself, he jumped again. And again, and again...

Damn it! He was STILL too short.

Wait... why wasn't there any arguing...?

Glancing back, he saw a drooling Kiba and a white haired pervert who was busy scrawling out notes.

God hated him.

And, as if this bit of horror wasn't enough, a pissed lucking Uchiha and scary looking Tsunade bounded into the clearing.

"WHERE IS THE PERVERT!" Tsunade shrieked, cracking him knuckles.

Naruto and the other three males, however, didn't pay attention to the old woman. He was too busy trying to drown himself and disappear from the three sets of eyes gawking at him.

----------------------------

End chapter


	7. Chapter 7

_**Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf!**_

_**By: Madd Envy Freak**_

**_A/N: Well, not much to sa_y... I'm in the process of working on an original novel, so it might take me a little longer to update... lol And please forgive my grammar, I'm afraid my old beta had to quit. TT**

**---**

Naruto drummed his fingers on the dirt as he sat in the hut, waiting. The old lady, Tsunade, was outside with Jiraiya nagging at him again... something about keeping it professional?

That didn't sound good...

And it didn't help that Sasuke and Kiba were still watching him like horny dogs in heat.

'_You wish...'_

'_SHUT UP!'_

'_I'm just saying...'_

'_NOT listening...'_

'_Oh, come on, you KNOW you want him to f--'_

"_SHUT THE HELL UP YOU PERVERT!!"_

"Does he always yell like that?"

Naruto blinked and realized, in utter embarrassment, that he had yelled out loud once again. Now the old pervert was staring at him like he was nuts. Was he nuts? Well, he was talking to himself... and the inner voice from this weird disease was a pervert... so... yeah, he was crazy.

And when had the old pervert walked in?

"You get used to it." Kiba replied with a feral grin.

The blood rushed up into Naruto's face, '_Oh God, oh God, oh God, don't even THINK of saying anything perverted you--'_

"Oi, brat, you alright? You're damn near hyperventilating."

Naruto twitched but took a deep breath, "I'm fine. Yup. F-I-N-E. Fiiiiiine."

"Riiiiight, well then." the white haired man turned, casting him one last odd glance, before turning to the other two males, "Alright, you two, out."

"What?" Sasuke demanded, clearly pissed at being bossed around.

"You heard me, brat," Jiraiya snapped, eyes narrowing, "you little mutts will only get in the way."

"You pompous old--"

"SILENCE! I, JIRAIYA, THE ALMIGHTY-TOAD-SANNIN, COMMAND YOU TO GET YOUR ASSES OUT!"

The two aggressive boys just snorted and sulked out of the room. Rolling his eyes and stretching his shoulders, the perverted old man turned to Naruto and nodded, "Alright. I see you already have your shirt off..."

Naruto shrugged awkwardly, "Yeah, well, Tsunade said you needed to look at my stomach..."

Because you're a deranged, perverted, nut-job who thinks he's a werewolf.

Naruto took it upon himself to keep that little opinion to himself.

"Alright. Well then, take your pants off."

"W-What?!"

The man loomed over him, eyes narrowing, and Naruto suddenly felt very, very scared, "Do you think this is a GAME?! This is your life we're talking about ,brat! Do you want to die?!"

Was that thunder?

Oh God. HE WAS GOING TO DIE!

"N-No! I don't want to die!"

"Then take your pants off!"

Naruto quickly jumped up and shimmied out of his pants with wide, horrified eyes and tossed them to the side.

"Now your boxers, brat."

"M-my boxers?"

"YES you're boxers! Now hurry up, before we run out of time!"

Horrified, Naruto stripped of his boxers and looked up at the white haired man, fidgeting with panic, "Now what? Is this because of that bite? Do I have some kind of flesh-eating disease too?!"

Jiraiya blinked at him dumbly before leering evilly and waving him towards the mass of furs, "You could indeed, kid."

"I c-could? Oh my God! I knew it! God hates me, and I'm going to die a long, slow, agonizing death!"

A white eyebrow shot up as the older man crouched down above the blond, "Just relax, kid. This whole process will go a lot faster if you aren't hyperventilating."

Naruto took a deep, shuddering breath and didn't notice the older man doing a set of rapid hand motions--until a firm palm slammed into his gut, knocking what little air Naruto had managed to accumulate out of his lungs.

Then he saw... a sewer?

---

"Where the hell am I?" Naruto whispered, glancing around the dank and gloomy maze of halls.

This was just weird... what happened to the black he was supposed to be falling in? What kind of cheap, rip-off unconsciousness was this?

A deep chuckles reverberated through the air and he jumped, turning to look down one of the many tunnels. Shivering, he trudged thought ankle deep water--dear god, he HOPED it was water-towards the sound. Rounding a corner, he came face to face with a large metal gate.

"What the...?" He breathed, looking up in awe.

Huge red eyes snapped open from the black confines of the cage--dear god, it was a _cage_?--and Naruto skidded back, slipping in the liquid and falling onto his rear end.

"W-what?!"

Wow, he sure was saying that a lot today...

A mouth opened and huge white teeth gleamed in the dim light, saliva dripping down into the blackness surrounding the eyes and jaws.

Oh... Ewww... was he sitting in saliva?

Demonic red eyes narrowed and the monster spoke, a voice so deep and powerful it shook the very room, "So, my son, we finally meet."

"...son?" Naruto managed to croak out.

"Yes, I am Kyuubi, your mother."

Naruto blinked up at him dumbly, "But you sound like... like a guy..."

A low snarl broke out from the beast, Kyuubi, "I am male, fool."

"But then you can't be my, uh, mom..."

The demon scoffed, "I AM A _DEMON_, BRAT! I can moved mountains, swallow the sun, and--"

"Wait a minute." Naruto frowned, crossing his arms, "If you're a demon, why are you here?"

"SILENCE!!!"

Naruto yelped and cowered as the room shook again.

Kyuubi cleared his throat and continued, "As I was saying, brat, I am Kyuubi. Mother to you and bride of Arashi Uzumaki."

"But... how did you...?"

The demon groaned, "Why is my child so dense?"

"Hey!"

"You shouldn't yell at your mother, Naru-chan."

Blinking, the blond twisted around and gaped at the ethereal red-haired woman looking down at him. Slowly, he looked back at the empty cage and then back towards the slightly transparent woman, "Wha...?"

"As a demon I can shift my form." Kyuubi replied, flicking blood red hair over a delicate shoulder, "Your father was a man of God, he would never lay with a man. So, I took the form of a woman."

"B...But if you are my mom... and you are a guy... Damn... I still don't get it..."

The demon growled in annoyance at his son's ineptitude and replied back sharply, "Male demons can bare kits, however, in order for your father to lay with me, I had to become a woman."

"Wait... you change into a girl to get laid?!" Naruto gasped, eyes bugging out in understanding.

Kyuubi grinned a wide, lecherous grin, "And what a lay he was."

"EW EW EW EW!" Naruto whined, covering his ears, "I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! EWWW!"

"You're right," Kyuubi sighed, bringing a clawed hand up to his... er, her lips, "Right now, your mate is more important."

"My what!?"

"Your mate, that Inuzuka wolf. Good breeding, that one. I'd imagine he'd be good in bed, as well."

Wait... that voice...

No...

It couldn't be...

"OH MY GOD!"

Kyuubi blinked and raised a dainty eyebrow.

"MY MOM HAS BEEN PUTTING PERVERTED THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD!!!"

---

Jiraiya looked down at the tan body and waited. This was boring! He had at least expected the demon to let part of itself out while it was conversing with its host...

How...

Boring...

A lecherous grin passed over his face as he stared down at the blond, no harm in entertaining himself, right?

"Do it and die." A rough, vicious voice growled out just as Jiraiya was about lay his fingers on that dainty body. Blinking, he retracted his fingers.

"So, the brat had a demon in him after all, eh?"

The demon possessing the boy pushed itself up, back cracking with a sharp snap. An impassive face took in his nakedness before pulling a fur around his lithe body. Blood red eyes looked over to the pervert with a violent gleam that promised pain, "Is there a reason you deemed it necessary for my son to be naked, whelp?"

Jiraiya knew there were three reasons why he should run for his life right now. The first being demons were much, much more powerful than werewolves-even if they were in a host. Second, that demon was apparently the mother, father, or _whatever_ of the boy he had just wanted to molest. Finally, the demon called him whelp, which meant it was a very old demon.

Shit.

---

Tsunade heard the scream much sooner than the sickening 'crunch' of bones breaking. She, and the two overly hormonal males, rushed into the small hut to see a reclining Naruto, eyes a demonic red and a burning seal on his stomach, lapping at blood on his fingers.

And Jiraiya a bloody heap on the floor.

The woman's eyes widened and she rushed over, pulling the limp body of the man away from the smirking demon boy.

"Ja, pervert." Naruto purred, voice a deep rumble as he waved lazily.

Bored eyes turned to the two shaking males and the monster inhabiting the golden body smirked, "Kiba and Sasuke, I presume?"

Sasuke squared his back and stepped forward, ignoring the cocky and amused expression gracing the blonde's face, "Indeed. And you are the demon, correct?"

Kiba stayed silent. He wasn't fucking stupid!

"Indeed, I am his demon mother, if you wish to be specific."

Sasuke smirked, "I want your vessel."

The blond leered, "I know."

Kiba deflated. Aww, fuck. This she-demon would probably go for the Uchiha too... damned alpha-bastard...

"And your answer?"

Naruto's inhabitant pushed his body up and away from its pile of furs and sauntered over the smug raven haired male.

"You want my kit as a mate, neh?"

"Yes."

Clawed hands clenched and Kiba bit back a growl. The blond was his, damn it! He's the one that turned him... damned no-good Bastard... Lazy fucker...

Delicate clawed hands gripped the Uchiha's throat and the demon hissed, "You aren't fit to mate with a whore, you _mutt_."

And he demon threw him aside like a _rag_ _doll_.

Kiba gaped.

And gaped.

"DAMN."

Curious red eyes turned to him and winked.

Kiba blinked.

And blinked.

And had to hold back his laughter. Haha, Uchiha Bastard! Mommy liked him better

The tan boy settled back onto his pile of furs, giving off the air of someone sitting in a royal chair, not a mound of dead animal skin. The monster smirked, and Kiba suddenly felt slightly... perturbed at the expression.

He coughed and looked the container over before speaking, "So, you're his mother, huh?"

"Kyuubi." The demon, Kyuubi purred.

Well, this sucked. Uchiha was currently attempting to get up and nurse his probably broken arm, Jiraiya (who was about a million times stronger than the idiot Sasuke) had gotten himself beaten to a bloody pulp for some unknown reason--although, Kiba thought the blonde's lack of attire had something to do with it. So, it was up to him to interagate a demon.

Stupid Akamaru bailing on him...

Traitor.

"Alright, Kyuubi, I gotta ask you some questions for the old lady."

"Tsunade, right?" The demon drawled, balancing his face in his hand, a sheen of boredom glazing his eyes.

"How did you, uh, get sealed?"

Tan shoulders shrugged and the demon sighed heavily, "Ask kit, he'll tell you when he wakes up. I, apparently, am out of time here."

Red eyes flickered shut and Naruto's body went limp, falling with a muffled 'thud' face-first into the fur. Kiba stepped forward, and once sure the blond was comfortable, he turned towards the crouching Uchiha with a leer, "Looks like you're not alpha anymore, asshole."

Inner Kiba was throwing the biggest party in existence. Naruto beat the shit out of Sasuke, which made him alpha to that no-good looser. But, since the blond was _obviously_ of submissive demon heritage (how could he not be with that pout?), it made him above his mate! Granted, it wasn't official until Tsunade announced it, and the blond accepted him (which he was obviously going to do eventually since his mom apparently liked him) but Kiba was as good as the new alpha!

Thank God for screwing up making lunch!

------------------------

And, thus, the real reason Naruto almost killed Jiraiya in his four-tail state XD

Sorry for the lack of updates... I got sick in the middle of printing this. TT My damn cousin gave it to me, and I gave it to my roomie, who gave it to her friend... lol


	8. Chapter 8

Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf!

By: Madd Envy Freak

A/n: Not much to say this time around… enjoy!

Warning: Lemons.

---

Chapter Eight: Freak on a Leash

---

Naruto was up and about the tiny village in less than a day. Jiraiya, however, was still sitting in the medical hut with a vexed Sakura getting his wounds heeled. And feeling up the nurses whenever he could… but that was beside the point.

Until Jiraiya had one of the nurses bring Naruto a 'thank you' card. Then it was just plain _weird_.

But, that didn't matter. Right now, Naruto had bigger dogs to neuter.

And he WISHED he meant that literally.

Every since his little blackout and visit with his inner cross dresser, the other werewolves had been looking at him… strangely. Yes, he would finally admit they were werewolves. That or he really WAS insane, in which case, hey, what not roll with it? Better than running around like a dog with its balls cut off.

Naruto giggled at his inner scheming.

Alas, neutering the bastard Uchiha probably wouldn't go over well with the female population for some unknown reason. So, here he was, hiding away in his little hut from evil bitches and a pissed off, pride-fucked-up werewolf named Sasuke.

"Oi, whisker face!"

Blood pooled to Naruto's face as he turned to look at Kiba, who ducked in under the hanging fur.

_I hope **his** balls don't get cut off._

_Mom! Shut up!_

_Dad!_

_Whatever!_

_Well, it's not MY fault I'm forced to live my sex-life vicariously through yours!_

"OH MY GOD YOU PERVERT!" Naruto shrieked, holding his hands over his ears in attempt to block out the perverted moaning sounds his father was making.

Kiba raised an eyebrow and smirked, "Talking to your self again, kid?"

"S-shut up!" Naruto stuttered, edging away from the man.

Kiba frowned, eyes narrowing, "You feeling okay, you look hot."

Naruto's eyes bugged out as Kiba took a step forward, quickly followed by him crawling backwards. And it continued like that, forward, back, forward, back, until Naruto, in his infinite grace, got tangled in the furs and fell back onto the pile with a grunt. A dark brow raised as Kiba crouched over him.

_Spread you legs!_

_WHAT?!_

_Do it! Make him smell your sex, he'll want to fuck you for SURE!_

_NO!_

_DO IT, BRAT!_

_NEVER!_

_DAMN IT! I've been celibate for the last sixteen years in here!_

_So a few more years won't hurt you!_

_Damn it brat, just do it! You know you want to!_

"I WON'T SPREAD MY LEGS, YOU PERVERT!"

Above him, Kiba blinked dumbly for a minute before smirking evilly, running his hands up Naruto's thighs and applying gentle pressure to push the two apart, "Maybe you should listen to your little fox, Na-ru-to." He purred, letting his hands ghost over the prone boy's crotch teasingly.

Naruto's mind promptly turned to goo and his legs and arms coiled around the older male of their own accord, dragging him down and over the suddenly horny blond. Orange-clad hips bucked up almost frantically as sharp nails dragged over Kiba's back. The brunet let his tongue trail over his lips as he leered down at the wanton blond and he smirked as he slammed his hips against him.

The blond was vaguely aware of his father groaning in satisfaction something that sounded suspiciously like _finally _before his sense went into sex-induced overdrive. He was so hot… and yet… so damn cold. He needed more of that heat Kiba was emitting. And that damned itching was unbearable! With a groan, Naruto pushed their mouths together and pulled him closer to rub against the hard body, trying to get rid of the damn itch that was starting to circulate under his skin. Clawed hands tugged roughly on Kiba's clothing as the taller boy pulled away to help liberate the blond from his own bindings.

Rough hands turned him over and pulled the blond up to his hands and knees, and Naruto moaned wantonly, stretching his back in a fox-like manner as a hot, wet tongue dragged across his quivering skin before probing at his opening. Tan finger clenched as he panted, letting the gasps and moans fall from his lips like water.

Kiba smirked to himself as he tilted his head, lapping at the panting boy's tight entrance and thrusting his tongue in to massage the constricting inner walls. Finally, he drew away and slithered up the blonde's back, lying flush against him, growling possessively in his ear.

Naruto threw his head back and let out a cry of pain as the werewolf thrust into him. Kiba stilled in the blond, lapping at his neck in apology as he slowly started to move, angling his hips to brush against his mate's prostate. The blond gave a whimper in return, fists clenching in the soft furs as he pushed back against him. One of Kiba's hands slid from its place on the blonde's hips to wrap around Naruto's growing flesh, stroking him swiftly and roughly in time with their frenzied mating.

The blond mewled as Kiba's tongue lapped at his neck, alternating from licking to sucking and biting. Blue eyes mixed with vibrant crimson rolled back as the blond shuddered and withered below him, managing to pant out, "K-Kiba—I—I…"

Kiba smirked against tan skin and growled into the blonde's ear, "You're mine, Naruto." His thrusts became quicker, harder, "Only I can do this to you. Your body is mine to touch, to tease… and…" A final slam against the blonde's prostate made the boy below him come hard into the hand and the furs below, body coiling and leaching Kiba's own orgasm from his sweaty body, "I'm… the only one… who can see you… like this." He finished in a breathy pant as they collapsed onto the pile of fur below.

---

Sakura muttered to herself darkly as she marched towards Naruto's hut. Why the hell did she have to go fetch the blond brat? She was supposed to be helping her beloved Sasuke-kun! Stupid fox demon brat, coming here and taking away Sasuke's hard earned title.

Growling, she threw the long fur aside and stalked into the room, "Naruto-baka, Tsunade wants to see you right away…" Green eyes popped open and she shrieked, before quickly running back outside.

---

Naruto looked up, blinking groggily, "Did you hear something, Kiba?"

Kiba scowled, stopping his task of marking the blonde's neck to glance up at him, "No… maybe it was your mommy again."

Shrugging, Naruto nodded and settled back into the furs to let Kiba finish his tedious work on his neck.

And he totally ignored his father's angry whine that he was 'daddy' not 'mommy.'

-------------------

End Chapter


	9. Chapter 9

Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf!

By: Madd Envy Freak

---

Chapter Nine: The Three Little Pigs

---

"_Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. Now, two of these pigs weren't very bright, and built their homes out of foolish things. One built his out of straw, the other out of twigs. When the wolf heard of the foolish pigs, he thought to himself, 'I should go eat those foolish little pigs!' and he did just that. The third pig, who was smarter than the rest, built his house out of brick and the wolf never once bothered him. You reap what you sow, kit."_

_Arashi smiled and shook his head as he looked up at his wife, "You're forgetting the part where the two little pigs go over to their brother's house."_

_Kyuubi glanced away from rocking her child and scoffed, "Silly husband, that's not the way I was told."_

_Again, Arashi simply chuckled and went back to his readings._

_Sighing, the redheaded woman turned back to her blond baby and smiled. Leaning down, the demon whispered, "You'll be the smart little pig, won't you, Naruto? You'll make daddy proud, neh?"_

_The child gurgled in response and fisted a lock of crimson hair in a tiny fist._

_---_

Naruto yawned and stretched, blinking groggily as he sat up and took in his surroundings. He heard a low grunt and felt shifting from his left, and glanced over at the sleeping Kiba. A deep blush ran over his cheeks and he quickly looked away.

_Looks like the big bad wolf got you after all, eh?_

_SHUT UP!_

_Heh._

Kiba groaned again reached blindly for the tan body, pulling it back down onto the furs with a muffled, "Go back to bed."

Naruto rolled his eyes and allowed himself to be used as a pillow.

---

"You're kidding, right?"

"N-no, I heard it with m-my own ears!"

"There's no way that could happen, Hinata!"

Hinata blushed and played with a long strand of hair, glancing up nervously at the taller blond woman, "R-really, Temari-san. I-I heard it from T-Tsunade-sama t-that Sasuke-kun w-was beaten. B-by carrier b-bird…" she held up a small rolled up letter to her.

The woman snatched the paper and skimmed over it, blinking in awe at its contents, "By a newcomer, no less?"

"Y-yes."

A devious grin spread over Temari's face, "We'll have to tell Gaara about this, he'll definitely want to know."

"H-hai… Neji-san will a-as well."

Temari gave her a disinterested wave as she went off to find her brother.

---

Gaara was in a foul mood. This section of the damn forest was getting overrun by those damned humans, and the Bastard Uchiha was in control of everything west of the river… Pale hands clenched as he glared at his council.

Idiots didn't know anything.

His own brother sat next to the pale Hyuuga wolf (a new pack member from the larger Uchiha pack itself) and the silent Aburame male, Shino. The three were busy bickering (well, Kankurou was bickering, the other two were simply glaring) over pack boundaries.

"We can't stay here, we have to move west!" Kankurou snapped, slamming his fist on the low table.

"Uchiha runs everything west of here. There's no way he would allow us in his territory." Neji replied flatly.

"…hm." Shin agreed silently.

Gaara sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation.

"Well now, that's not exactly true anymore, is it?"

The four males looked up at Temari as she waltzed into the room, a superior smirk plastered on her face.

"What are you talking about, Temari?" Gaara demanded softly, jade eyes narrowing. The half demon eyed the letter his sister handed him warily before taking it and skimming over the contents, normally emotionless eyes widening in disbelief, "This had better not be a joke, Temari."

"Nope. It's from Tsunade herself."

Gaara nodded once and set the letter down on the table and the other three glanced at it, surprise flicking over their own features in different extremes.

"This is… impossible." Neji breathed, leaning back, frowning, "There is no way Uchiha could be beaten by… by a new breed!"

"That is what the previous alpha of your pack thought, wasn't it?" Shino murmured, eyes hidden by his glasses.

Pale hands clenched and Neji was silent.

Gaara rolled his eyes at the three and stood, "I think it's time we paid our brother pack a visit."

---

Kiba gagged on his water, "What do you mean, 'the Sand wolves are coming,'!!??"

Tsunade sighed and looked down her nose at the distraught Kiba and Akamaru, and the confused looking Naruto, "They heard the Uchiha was overthrown and obviously want to form a treaty of some sort…" she trailed off, lacing her fingers together.

"Well that's a good thing, isn't it?" Naruto put in, blinking, "I mean, better than wanting to kill us or something…"

Kiba groaned, "Easy for you to say, you aren't the one who has to talk to the eyeliner wearing freak."

Tsunade rolled her eyes and leaned back, taking a swig of Sake.

Naruto stared blankly at his…er, mate?... and shook his head, turning back to Tsunade, "When will they be here?"

"Sometime within the hour."

---

Neji looked around the small colony with a sniff. Ah, the home village… how it reeked. With a disgusted scowl, he brought his hand up to cover his nose as he passed some of the females-whom he remembered to be quite avid Sasuke-loving bitches.

Even if the damned Uchiha wasn't alpha anymore, he doubted their true loyalties would change anytime soon.

Although, he would admit that he was curious as to the identity of the new breed that had apparently, 'effortlessly put that damn Uchiha brat in his place.'

His alpha stopped short, suddenly, jade eyes trained on something ahead.

Neji rolled his eyes in annoyance, mentally, of course, and turned his own set of lavender eyes to take in the approaching wolves.

…

And his breath caught in his throat.

His heart pounded in his chest.

And he desperately wanted to know who that golden incarnate of the sun was.

And, if Gaara's blush was any indication, he did as well.

----------------------

End Chapter


	10. Chapter 10

_**Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf**_

_**By: Madd Envy Freak**_

_**A/N: Not much… lol**_

_**Warnings: Make-up sex. Yuss.**_

_**---**_

_**Chapter Ten: Trouble in Paradise**_

_**---**_

Normally, when one's property is in danger of being stolen, a werewolf is very keen to remedy the situation—especially where mates are concerned. In fact, should one werewolf go sniffing where its nose is not welcome, it may find said nose ripped off and mauled by an over-possessive male. This should have been the case with one Kiba Inuzuka when Gaara of the Sand and Neji Hyuuga were eying up his mate… unfortunately for the nervous looking blond, said mate was too busy being overrun by hormones.

"Hinata-chan!" Kiba grinned, jumping over to the girl brightly, "It's so nice to see you again!"

The two other male wolves glanced at him impassively and turned to the suddenly twitching blond.

Neji bowed, redirecting Naruto's attention to his impressive display of pomp, "Good evening…?"

"Er, N-Naruto."

He was very nervous… the way the two males smirked to themselves when he had finally managed to stutter out his name was quite disheartening.

"Naruto…" The redhead murmured, voice low like velvet, as his jade eyes trailed slowly up his body.

Dear GOD.

More perverts checking him out!

He glanced over to Kiba for some form of aid, and felt anger burn his eyes.

Was Kiba…?

No. Kiba wouldn't…

And yet…

The were-fox snarled, filled with righteous indignation, "Kiba, are you FLIRTING with her?"

Said werewolf jumped away from the blushing girl and quickly held his hands up in front of him in defense, "O-of course not, Naru-chan--"

"Don't you 'Naru-chan' me!" Naruto snapped, eyes flashing red, "You hormone driven jerk! You were eyeing her up!"

Two sets of eyebrows rose as Gaara and Neji watched the scene in confusion.

Tsunade, who had been watching the whole thing with a sinking feeling, groaned, "They've been mates for a day, and already Kiba's screwed something up."

The heads belonging to the aforementioned eyebrows whipped around to stare at her with incredulous gawks, "_Mates_?"

"Ah." Tsunade sighed, shaking her head of pale blond hair, "The idiot turned the brat about a week ago."

"That blond is the new wolf that defeated Uchiha?" Gaara murmured in his monotonous voice, turning to look at said blond who was busy hitting his mate upside the head for having 'adulterous thoughts.'

"Were-fox, actually…"

"Were… fox?"

"YOU BASTARD!"

Three sets of eyes were redirected to the screeching blond.

"YOU CAN DAMN WELL SLEEP OUTSIDE TONIGHT!"

"But, but that's not fair!"

"AND YOU CAN FORGET ABOUT SEX!"

Kiba looked horrified as the blond turned on his heel and stalked away. Now that his sex-life (which he had become very accustomed to, thank you) was threatened, the brunet rushed after the blond, "W-what? WAIT! Naruto, I'm sorry!"

"FUCK OFF!" Naruto snapped, kicking him in the shin, "Come on, Akamaru!"

Still crumpled up on the floor, Kiba watched his blond mate stalk off with his dog, who gave him a condescending glower, as if to say he was a moron. And perhaps he was.

"Traitor…" Kiba whined after his dog.

---

"So, a demon fox?" Gaara muttered to himself as he frowned thoughtfully.

Well, it certainly made sense, at any rate. There was no way a common werewolf, even one as strong as the Uchiha, could ever stand up to a demon. And if that was the case, not just a bluff on their part, then the Konoha wolves had just become even more formidable than they had been before. He glanced over at the sulking blond, who was looking everywhere but at his brooding mate, and frowned.

Such power didn't belong in the bed of a common flea bag like Inuzuka.

"Yes," Tsunade said, her voice cutting through his thoughts, "apparently on his mother's side…" she trailed off with a shrug as she leaned back, downing another shot of Sake.

Gaara's lip curled. Sake. What a disgusting drink.

"Does it matter?" Naruto whined suddenly, blushing in what could have either been embarrassment or annoyance at the topic, "They came all this way to discuss peace, right?"

"So it would seem." Tsunade agreed, casting a suspicious golden eye towards them.

Naruto nodded slowly, "So, how do we do this peace talk stuff then?"

"As you and your... mate…" Gaara glanced at the other male in disgust as he drawled, "will discuss terms with myself. Tsunade-same is not needed…"

The blond woman huffed, looking extremely insulted, as she stood, "Fine, brat--"

"No!" Naruto cut in, latching onto Tsunade's arm, "I don't know how any of this works, I'd feel better if she was here with us."

Kiba huffed and shrugged, "It's alright with me."

Naruto glared at him, "No one asked you, jerk!"

Cheeks puffed out as Kiba went back to sulking.

Gaara simply smirked at his luck. With the two new mates at each other's throats… he could easily win the blond over.

---

'I should have known he was a cheating jerk!' Naruto seethed to himself as he paced around his hut.

_He was only looking._

'Looking leads to touching!'

_Yeah, look at you. _Kyuubi sneered.

'S-Shut up!'

_Admit it, you want him to come back and apologize so you can have hot, wild makeup sex._

'Damn it,' Naruto cursed in exasperation, 'you're my mom-'

_DAD!_

'-you're not supposed to be interested in my sex life! It's weird!'

…_Obviously you're missing the part where I've said I'm a hormone driven demon whose been repressed for SEVENTEEN YEARS._

'You're hornyness is no matter to me!' Naruto returned vehemently.

_Oh, but it is… For I can make you just as horny as I am!_

'You… you…" Naruto howled in annoyance, "YOU PERVERT BASTARD! SHUT UP!"

"I, uh, didn't say anything yet…"

Naruto whipped his head around to see Kiba standing in the doorway, looking slightly nervous. The blond blushed and turned away, "I wasn't talking to you. What do you want?"

"I, uh, wanted to apologize…"

_JUMP HIM!_

'SHUT UP!'

Naruto pouted and crossed his arms.

"And, I, uh, got you something."

Curiosity won out in the end and Naruto slowly turned around to see just what his wayward mate had gotten him. A little white rabbit looked back at him. Wide blue eyes blinked as Kyuubi let out what could have been considered a squeal.

'What?'

_He got you a white rabbit! Do you know how hard it is to find, let alone catch, one of those? That little fur ball is the equivalent of a huge diamond to werewolves!_

Eyes misted up as Naruto held his hands up to accept the tiny rabbit and he couldn't help the grin that tugged over his lips as it wiggled its nose at him, "Aww…. Kiba… he's so cute!"

Kiba scratched the back of his head awkwardly, "Yeah?"

Naruto nodded and set the rabbit down, watching it hop about the room before it made a mad dash out the door. Kiba's head snapped after it, and he groaned, "Oh man, it took me ages to--" His complaining was cut short as a bundle of blond jumped him and yanked him further into the hut, "Uh, Naruto…?"

A long tongue dragged over sharp fangs as Naruto pushed him down onto the furs, ripping at his shirt savagely, "Shut up and fuck me, Kiba."

Dark eyes rolled back slightly as he yanked the blond up to attack his mouth. And he mentally gave thanks to hormones.

"_Hormones?" Naruto asked, blushing, as he looked up at Tsunade who was smirking like a maniac._

"_Yes. You're natural attraction to you mate has apparently been magnified by the demon's blood—Everyone knows demons are honry Bastards." She drawled back lazily._

"_So… I'm not sick?"_

"_No. Just sex-crazed."_

_Naruto groaned in agony as Kiba let out a howl of joy._

Kiba hissed as he was brought back from his flashback episode when an eager blond pushed him down onto his back.

"What the hell are you—_Oh_." Kiba let out a groan of satisfaction as a hot mouth wrapped around his growing cock and sucked. Kiba's fingers coiled in the blonde's soft, shaggy hair as Naruto's head bobbed up and down, a searing tongue dragging across the underside of his member as sharp fangs grazed the top, teasing it into hardness. Smoldering blue eyes locked with dark brown and Kiba growled in frustration, when the mouth left his hard cock with a wet 'pop', its owner smirking as it moved to straddle his hips. That tongue that had previously been lapping at his flesh licked nervously at plump lips and Kiba was amazed at how fast the blond could go from a seductive succubus to a shy, blushing angel. Kiba's larger hands found their way to rest on the blonde's hip as Naruto eased down onto him, face contorting in slight pain.

Whimpering once the head was nearly all the way in, Naruto choked out, "K-Kiba… You're too big… I… I can't…" Pleading blue eyes looked down at him and Kiba shifted to sit up straighter, helping to guide the boy down all the way, biting his own lips from the sudden pressure around his aching need. Naruto let out a shaky sound, somewhere between a moan and a howl, as he collapsed onto the older male once the other's cock was fully inside of him. He stilled for a moment, breath ragged, as he nuzzled his mate. Kiba's hands gently traced circles on the boy's hips and he forced back the orgasm that was nearly ripped from him when the blond suddenly began rocking against him roughly.

Naruto's mouth found its way to nip and suck on Kiba's neck as he rocked, wrapping his legs around Kiba's broader hips. If Kiba was allowed to make marks… well then, so was he, damn it! Fangs sinking into the soft flesh at the juncture of Kiba's neck and shoulder, he growled in response to Kiba's sharp gasp and tangled his fists in the coarse brown hair.

Licking his lips eagerly, Kiba shifted and pushed Naruto down onto the furs, pulling long tan legs to rest over his shoulders before he began his conquest of the blonde's body… strong fingers coiling around the tan length between their bodies and jerking spastically.

This is what he loved about Naruto the most… the sounds he made when he was being savaged, fucked into the ground. He wailed and moaned like a banshee, withered like a whore… _His_ whore. Muscles clamped around his cock as Naruto came hard between them onto their stomachs, shrieking his praise to the ceiling, and Kiba let out his own guttural cry as he spilled into the hot, tight body below him.

Panting, he collapsed next to the blond, and drawled out hazily, "If… this is what happens when I flirt… maybe I should do it more, eh?"

Vicious blue eyes turned to glare at him, "Do it and I'll castrate you."

---

Neji and Gaara stood with Tsunade outside Kiba and Naruto's hut, even paler than usual.

Tsunade, for her part, sighed, "Come on, they'll be at it for at least another hour."

Well, apparently they wouldn't be able to win the blond over today.

--------------

End Chapter


	11. Chapter 11

Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf!

By: Madd Envy Freak

A/N: Sorry for the lack of updates lately. I got side traced by Stained, and we had friggin midterms last week. -- Yeah. College. Sucks. Rocks.

---

Chapter Eleven: Baby Blues

---

_Arashi smiled down at his beloved woman, pride showing in his eyes as his hand rested on the bulge of her stomach._

"_What shall we call him, Arashi?" Kyuubi murmured, daintily placing her own tiny hand over Arashi's larger one._

_The blond man paused for a moment, looking thoughtful, "How about…"_

"_No, Arashi, we will not name him Ramen." Kyuubi cut in playfully, causing the blond man to sulk slightly._

"_Well then… How about… Naruto?"_

"_Naruto?" Kyuubi murmured, crimson eyes drifting closed, "Naruto Uzumaki… Yes… I like that name."_

---

Naruto was sick.

No, not sick in the head (well, maybe sick in the head, but that was beside the point), but physically sick. And it didn't help his current condition when Sasuke-Bastard and the two perverted Sand wolves were constantly hovering over his shoulder. Naruto wondered briefly why the two Sand wolves were there, anyway. They had already done the peace talk thing nearly a month ago… and the longer they stayed, the more Kiba kept looking at that she-Hyuuga!

It was starting to _really_ piss Naruto off.

To the point of wanting to drag Kiba into their hut and take a rusty bear claw to his pride and joy.

He paused, blinking.

Could bear claws even get rusty?

Did it even matter?

The blond groaned, a clawed handing moving to rest on his still churning stomach. It was the same thing, day in and day out. He would wake up early feeling sick. Ten he would get weird cravings for food… like yesterday, he wanted a raw rabbit. How nasty was that!? Just because he was forced into being a werewolf didn't mean he was going to start eating raw foods and… stuff! He still had SOME humanity, thank you!

But…

Damn… that cooked rabbit just didn't slide down the way a raw one would have…

Groaning in agony, Naruto shook his head and sulked over to Tsunade's hut.

Maybe the old bat could figure out what was wrong with him.

'God, if I didn't know any better, I'd swear I was pregnant…' Naruto thought to himself in exasperation as he hanged on the side of the hut near the fur door.

He ignored the evil, vindictive laughter from his mother.

---

Tsunade raised an eyebrow, "Sick?"

Naruto nodded weakly, frowning with a slight whine, "I've been throwing up a lot, but… I swear… I've been getting fatter!"

A slow smirk wormed its way over Tsunade's face, "Sick and fat, you say?"

Pouting, Naruto nodded.

"My, if sounds as if you're pregnant, Naruto."

A blond head whipped around to gawk at her, "You must be kidding—I'm a GUY!"

"So was your mother." Tsunade pointed out, pouring herself another glass of sake as she smirked.

"That's different!" Naruto griped, "He was a demon!"

"As are you." She retorted brightly, clapping her hands as a slight drunken flush spread over her cheeks, "This calls for a celebration! Your first litter!"

Ok…

Naruto could deal with brain-eating diseases that made you a werewolf… but… there was no way in hell he was going to believe this lunacy! His father… er, mother… whatever Kyuubi was, had been a demon! Naruto was half a demon, at best! There was no way at all. Nope. He was most definitely NOT pregnant.

…

Life.

Fucking.

_Sucked_.

Naruto was pregnant.

Now, not only was he a deranged lunatic like the rest of these loonies, but he was also a freak of fuckign nature now too.

'You did this, didn't you?' Naruto accused angrily.

'_Me? Of course not. You were the one who fucked Kiba, not me!' _

Naruto couldn't help but notice the overly happy tone.

'_But it IS ironic, isn't it? All that teasing about me being a mother… now you're one too!'_

'All this… because I was TEASING you?!'

'_Maybe.' _Again, Naruto could see the gaping jaws of the demon fox open and roaring with laughter.

Like some fucking hyena.

'Yeah, well," Naruto countered smugly, 'if I'm a mom… that make _YOU_ a **_GRANDMA_**.'

The laughter instantly stopped.

Then a very scary thought popped into his mind.

Nervous blue eyes looked up at Tsunade and he gulped, "S-so, how am I, uh, going to have these… this… um… baby?"

Tsunade's smirk slid into a thoughtful frown.

He didn't like that look… at all.

"You're best bet would be a Caesarean Sections."

"A… A what?" Naruto gulped, eyes widening in horror as the woman described the process.

---

"P-pregnant?!" Kiba stuttered, gaping across the room at the flushed and annoyed looking blond.

Naruto nodded with a pout as he reclined on the pile of furs.

"Like, seriously pregnant?"

"Yes… Seriously."

"Like… seriously, seriously?"

Naruto felt a vein near his eye twitch, "YES, KIBA."

"But you're… a dude."

"I KNOW!"

Kiba scratched his cheek dumbly, "So, I'm going to be a, uh, dad?"

Again, Naruto nodded, a heavy blush on his face.

Great. Just great. Not only was his mate an adulterous thing who stared at other females (not that Naruto himself was female) every chance he got, his mate was also an idiot who didn't understand the meaning of pregnant. God… was out to get him again, wasn't he?

"Do you know how many?" The suddenly energetic Kiba asked.

Naruto blinked at the sudden change. Damn. If Kiba had a tail, he swore it would be wagging.

"What do you mean… how many?" Naruto asked slowly, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

Kiba was damn near bouncing now, "Well, my cousin's litter had five pups! So I wonder how many ours will have…"

"F-Five?" Naruto choked out, eyes popping open in horror.

Was that even possible?

FIVE children?

Naruto couldn't even fathom having ONE!

Suddenly, he envisioned himself presenting Kiba with five balls of furry, brown-haired blue-eyes energy.

He promptly whimpered in agony at the idea of having that many children come out of a body that was NOT meant to have babies. And… getting cut up to have them… oh GOD… He was hyperventilating, wasn't he? Yeah, if the worried look he was getting from Kiba was any indication, he was.

"Naruto, you okay? Calm down…"

"CALM DOWN!?!?" Naruto shrieked, waving his arms around wildly, "YOU EXPECT ME TO CALM DOWN WHEN I HAVE TO GET CUT OPEN TO HAVE FUCK ONLY KNOWS HOW MANY BABIES?!!? I'M NOT MEANT TO HAVE KIDS, YOU MORON!!!"

Kiba blinked dumbly, "Are you PMSing or something?"

"KIBA, YOU BASTARD! I HATE YOU!"

Needless to say, Kiba left the hut whimpering and limping.

---

"You are… an idiot."

Kiba growled and pouted, set on ignoring the stupid Uchiha that was smirking on.

"I mean, what kind of an idiot asks a pregnant male if he's PMSing?" Sasuke continued, sneering down at the gloomy wolf.

"Shut up, Uchiha." Kiba growled in annoyance, blocking out the smirking Sand wolves as well.

This was ridiculous!

He couldn't let it end like this (with him not getting laid being the main problem of course)!

Steelign his resolved, he stood up and marched away from the other three lesser males. That's right, he told himself as his hut got closer and closer, you are alpha male! You go in there and tell that little bitch whose boss!

Yuss!

---

This would _not_ work.

Nope.

There weren't nearly enough furs!

Nodding to himself, Naruto went about rearranging the den to his liking while the overly helpful (and sucking up) Kiba was holding a pile of freshly tanned hides for what Naruto now deemed their 'family den.' Where the hyperactive and mood swinging blond had gotten that name from was beyond him, but he had the suspicious inclination that his mother… father… demon thing had something to do with it.

"Neh, Kiba! Are there any lighter colored furs? Like… orange or yellow? These brown will smother our child… or children's, creativity!"

…And when the hell did the blond start talking like that?

"And we need more plushies! Lots and lots of plushies!"

Kiba refused to cry as his once proud bachelor hut was turned into a motherhood convention.

---

Not so far off in a small village, two men sat talking around a table in a tiny bar. One man, with crimson red eyes glanced up into beady black eyes of the other.

"You are certain?"

The blue, shark-like man nodded with a smirk, "Yeah. Looks like some blond kid kicked your brother's ass."

Itachi Uchiha nodded once, the shadow of a grin flickering over his features, "A blond you say?"

Kisame raised a single dark brow, "Yeah, so?"

Fingers laced as Itachi let his chin rest on his knuckles, his own slight smirk settling into place as a slender, well trimmed eyebrow rose.

Eyes widening in sudden understanding, "You don't think it's…?"

"Hn. I think it's time we pay my favorite little brother a visit…"

-----------

End of chapter.


	12. Chapter 12

Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf!

By: Madd Envy Freak

A/n: Sorry for the late update…. I've been really busy this week getting ready for the anime convention I'll be speaking at this weekend. Yes, Madd had to actually STUDY the art of fan fiction. Suddenly, I found my favorite pass time to be much like… homework. –sobs-

Anyway, yeah… so… This will be the last update until after the weekend.

Oh! And, to clear thing up, this WILL still be a KibaNaru. If Kiba ever gets his head out of his ass. --

Man… I just went over my last chapter and realized how many mistakes I made… UGH. I should prolly get a beta… -deadpans- but… alas, my short attention span and laziness will not allow it! -cries- So, I'll just have to recheck these a little more carefully. –sighs and kicks chapter-

---

Chapter Twelve: Family Reunion of the Bizarre Kind

---

Was this really what a pregnant woman was like as well? It was… damn scary.

Gaara watched, wide eyed, as the busy blond rushed about his den placing random plushies in various places. Not a week ago the same half breed wolf had been sulking around the village in fear of getting cut apart by a 'knife happy demented freak' when his due date came; now, he was forcing his mate to bleach furs and dye them yellow. And picking out baby names... It was amazing, too, how large he had gotten in the short time. It looks as if someone had stuck a small ball down his shirt.

Shaking his head, Gaara deftly handed Naruto a large pink and purple raccoon plushy for the 'girl side of the room.' Once Tsunade had been able to determine the amount of children, which to Kiba's disappointment had only turned out to be two, the blond had gone into a mad spree to color coordinate the den to match the babies' genders.

The red-head hoped there was actually going to BE a boy and girl, or else… well, he'd have one normal child and one gender confused one, wouldn't he?

Although, the fact that their mother was male and their grandma was male as well was probably confusing enough.

"Nah, Gaara! Do you think I should put the cradle here?"

Gaara glanced over to where the blonde was indicating before nodding once in agreement.

Naruto flashed him a bright grin as he stepped back to watch the Sand wolf drag the final cradle over to the spot between the large furry hot pink hippo and the pink and yellow changing table. The blond clapped his hands, nodding at the finished product happily.

"Is that all?"

The boy nodded, turning to face his red-headed companion, "Yeah, and thanks again for the help, Gaara! I don't know where that damned slacker Kiba went off to… again…" the bright voice trailed off, eyes downcast.

Gaara bet he was flirting with Hinata… again.

Ever since Naruto had begun his little motherhood expedition (which he had to hurry to do, according to the blond himself, as wolves only stayed pregnant for eight weeks, much like their dog relative) Kiba had taken to hiding out with Hinata and generally avoiding his mood swinging mate.

Gaara growled to himself as he followed the slightly crestfallen blond out of the hut towards the drying hut. His mate was in need of assistance and that lowly mutt Kiba wasn't even there to fetch Naruto jerky when he had a craving for it! What kind of pathetic mate was he?

Even the Uchiha and Hyuuga had bitten their pride and offered to help the burdened blond.

And Kiba called himself a man.

Tch.

---

Naruto grinned as his sharp canines ripped into the rough jerky. With a snarl, he jerked his head back tearing off a chunk of the tasty dried meat.

Oh, God, jerky was almost as good as ramen…

_Almost? You idiot, Jerky is the food of the GODS._ Kyuubi argued from inside his cage.

_No way, **grandma**! That's ramen! _Naruto thought back viciously.

…_Tch. You obviously get that from your father… unhealthy ramen obsessed men…_

Sighing to himself happily, he cuddled back against the pile of soft cushy furs Gaara had been kind enough to bring him and chewed. It was weird, really. At first Kiba had been all helpful, but now… he was always gone! Was it really that bad to be around him? No; Gaara, Sasuke, and Neji were always hanging around him… so that obviously wasn't it.

Pouting, he glared down at the hunk of deer in his hand and frowned.

Turning to his stoic friend, he poked him in the arm for his attention.

"Yes?" Gaara drawled, shifting jade eyes towards him.

"Gaara…" Naruto began slowly, "Do you think… I'm fat?"

The red-head froze, eyes widening. Weird. He looked as if he was just asked some kind of really dangerous question. Like the 'does this dress make me look fat' question the girls in his old village always asked the men; the one that always led to them getting hit with something.

"Why do you ask… Naruto?"

"Well, I thought maybe Kiba thinks I look fat… that's why he's always hanging out with Hinata…" Naruto pouted slightly, lip jutting out as he savagely ripped apart his meat with sharp claws, "Since she's so pretty, and skinny, and--"

"You are much more attractive than the Hyuuga."

Naruto stopped mid whine and blinked, "Really?"

Gaara nodded, a slight blush dancing over his cheeks and nose.

"AWWW!" Naruto cried, latching onto the taller, older wolf, "You are so sweet! I wish Kiba was more like you sometimes!" The blond hopped up just as suddenly as he had glomped the other and pointed towards the exit bravely, "YES! Let's go find that man whore and beat some sense into him!"

The blond was oblivious to the exasperation of the other as he marched from the hut.

---

"YOU!"

Bored red eyes looked down at a much shorter haired, though otherwise nearly identical, younger wolf and drawled, "Yes…?"

"What the hell are you doing here, you human-loving Bastard!" Sasuke growled with his fangs bared.

Neji looked between the two, raising an eyebrow as he listened to the sibling banter.

"I am simply here to visit my favorite little brother." Itachi replied nonchalantly, inspecting his lacquered claws.

"The Hell you are!" The younger Uchiha seethed, "I hate you and you know it!"

Honestly, what simpletons. Neji rolled his white eyes and crossed his arms, shaking his head at the lowly display before him. Fighting… how barbaric.

A slender brow rose as Itachi shrugged, "Who said I was referring to you?" The taller, much more imposing wolf lazily strolled around his bristling sibling, his shark companion in tow, "You are much too full of yourself, Sasuke."

"What the hell are you--"

"ITACHI!?"

Sasuke stopped, mid demand, and whipped his head around to stare as the obviously pregnant dobe veered off-course from his earlier path, wherever that had been, to speed towards his older brother. Itachi crouched slightly, arms opening to accept the blond as he practically jumped into his arms.

Neji blinked dumbly as he watched the reunion of two people who, under the laws of normality and logic, really shouldn't know each other.

Gaara just stared, sighing.

"What, no hug for Kisame?" The shark man teased playfully, grinning when Naruto left his place in Itachi's arms to hug the blue tinted Kisame around the waist.

"You… know these people…" Neji drawled curiously.

Naruto ignored his three flabbergasted suitors to grin at his two new visitors as he stepped back to look at them, "Itachi, Kisame! It's so good to see you! What are you doing here?"

"We came to see you as soon as we learned you kicked the brat's ass." Kisame replied, head jerking towards the very annoyed Sasuke.

"How did you know…?" Naruto trailed off, blinking curiously as Itachi reached forward to pet his soft golden locks.

"Did you forget already?" Itachi chuckled briefly, mentally loving the horror on his brother's face at his out of character display of affection.

"You… you mean you really ARE a werewolf?!" Naruto gasped.

"And were-shark!" Kisame put in, lips parting to show off his rows of jagged teeth.

"Wow… I thought you were just kidding back then…" Naruto admitted, scratching the back of his head.

Itachi shrugged, raising an eyebrow at the blond and sprawling his fingers out over bulge on the blonde's stomach, "Well, this is certainly interesting…?"

Kisame blinked, leaning in closer to inspect the blonde's stomach before laughing mirthfully, "Got yourself knocked up already?"

Naruto blushed and grinned in embracement.

"So, who's the lucky wolf?" Itachi asked lazily, eyeing the three other, younger wolves with dark, suspicious eyes as he practically oozed over protectiveness and savage intent towards the mate of his precious little blond.

"Kiba." The three replied hastily, for once glad it was not them.

No mate was worth getting separated from their… uh, _limbs_.

Although, Naruto did come close.

---

Kiba suddenly felt very, very afraid. For reasons unknown to him, the feeling of dread had fallen upon his shoulders, draping around his body like a heavy, frozen wet blanket, causing his teeth to chatter.

"K-Kiba…?"

Blinking back the instincts that were telling him to run away—RUN AWAY, YOU IDIOT!—he turned back towards Hinata with a wide grin, "Yeah, Hina?"

"T-there is a really t-tall man… s-standing b-behind you…" She stuttered, pointing with a shaking finger behind him.

Slowly turning, his eyes widened to the size of dinner plates and he yelped, gawking at the oldest Uchiha that was currently staring down at him with murderous red eyes. Hinata muttered out a quick goodbye and fled hastily, lest she be caught in the cross fire.

"Itachi… Uchiha… heh heh… what are you, uh, doing back here?"

Red eyes narrowed to slits and the man crossed his arms, raising a dainty eyebrow at him lazily, "Who was that, Kiba?"

"Uh… H-Hinata… Hyuuga…"

Kiba was just about ready to wet himself. Uchiha Itachi was the strongest werewolf practically known to wolf KIND, and his companion the were-shark Kisame… well; he ranked right up there too! And here he was, staring him down as if condemning him for some horrible crime.

"Hinata, hmm?" Itachi growled, leaning forward, "It looks to me like you were… _flirting_ with her, Inuzuka."

Oh God. He was going to die.

"N-no I wasn't!" He squeaked.

Purple painted nails fisted in his collar suddenly—so fast Kiba had to wonder just WHEN they had gotten there—to drag him forward until they were nose to nose, "That's good… I would hate to have to kill you for flirting while my poor, pregnant little brother Naru-chan was in agony due to the condition… you… put… him… in."

"B-brother?"

Shit. Shit. SHIT!

"Yes. You know how much I hate it when people… hurt those that are mine, yes?" Kiba quickly nodded and Itachi let him go, boredom plastered on his face as he looked around, "Well then, I am sure we shall get along just fine, Inuzuka."

"Nah, Itachi!" Two pairs of eyes turned to glance at the blond running towards them, jerky in hand, "What are you two talking about?"

A lazy smirk snaked over Itachi's features as he draped a heavy arm over Kiba's shoulder, "Nothing, Naru-chan. Just getting to know my new brother-in-law. Right, Inuzuka?"

It obviously wasn't a question, so Kiba nodded quickly to appease the deadly wolf.

"That's awesome!" A naïve Naruto chirped happily, "It's great that you two get along! And I think there's something wrong with Kisame, he was laying on the floor twitch… saying something about water?"

"Indeed." Itachi chuckled as he followed the skipping pregnant male, dragging a trembling Kiba behind him.

_Well_, Kiba thought dryly, _So much for being alpha male._

_---------------------------------------------------------------------_

_Silly Kiba. Like he was ever really the alpha anyway. He should just get over the fact that he's just there to look good, provide sex, kill spiders, and carry Naruto's things. :P_

_Haha… imagine, Kisame flopping around on the ground like a fish out of water. xD_


	13. Chapter 13

Bite Me, You Big Bad Wolf

By: Madd Envy Freak

A/N: Last chapter! WOOT! And after this will be my new fics "The Adventures of Naru-Chan in Porno-Land" and "Bad Religion" so look for them. ;)

(Yes, shameless self-promotion. WOOT!)

OMG… I just got done watching an episode of Naruto on cartoon network, right? Gawd, they totally butchered everyone's voices. -- I thought my ear drums were going to explode or something.

---

Chapter Thirteen: Home Again, Mother Dearest

---

Naruto would be going into labor any day now, and it appeared Kiba had finally entered the 'Oh my God, I'm going to be a dad!' stage. It was quite comical, actually. Kiba had gone around their hut rearranging everything Naruto had already arranged.

Or, this could have been due to the fact that Itachi was constantly hovering over his shoulder pretending to 'bond' with his little brother's mate.

Naruto, of course, was the only one to believe him.

"I feel like a house." Naruto whined, leaning back in his pile of furs while gnawing on more beef jerky with his sharp little canines.

The others secretly agreed. He had gone from looking like he had a ball shoved down his shirt to appearing to have swallowed several melons whole.

None of them said this aloud of course.

They weren't stupid. Even Kiba had grown a little bit of brains and no longer commented on his mate's… weight problem.

"Meh, you're not fat, kid." Kisame said brightly as he dumped a glass of water over his drying gills, "You're pregnant!"

Naruto slowly nodded, and then frowned, turning to look at Kiba accusingly.

"W-what?" Kiba managed to squeak out as the other males all turned to look at him.

"Kisame is right. This is your fault." Naruto snapped with a pout, struggling to sit up and only managing to do so when Neji quickly got up to aid him, "I hate this being pregnant crap! I have stupid cravings, I'm huge, my back hurts, YOUR stupid kids keep kicking my bladder, and I can't even get up by myself anymore! And, damn it, I'm horny as hell and you won't put out!" Naruto ranted hysterically, waving his arms around wildly."

"Uh, don't worry, Naruto…" Kiba said, attempting to comfort him, "Once you have your babies, I'll be happy to sleep with you again! When you're not so--"

Only too late did he realize his mistake.

"When I'm WHAT, huh?"

"N-nothing, Naruto!"

"What were you going to say you ungrateful, dog-faced BASTARD?!"

"Honestly, nothing!"

"You were going to say when I'm not so FAT, weren't you!?" Naruto sobbed, stalking from the hut, "YOU BASTARD!"

The other five males slowly turned to look at the sweating Kiba.

"You… really are an idiot." Sasuke drawled flatly.

"I am not!" Kiba groaned, hanging his head as even Akamaru looked balefully at him, "How the hell am I supposed to talk to a pregnant man? Everything I say pisses him off!"

"Don't say anything!" Kisame chirped.

"A good recommendation," Itachi agreed dryly.

"You are the only one he is angry at," Gaara added thoughtfully.

Neji nodded, "Apparently you are the only one who is stupid enough to make him angry in his state of health."

"Aww, shut up…" Kiba groaned, burying his face in his hands.

---

Naruto sat, wide eyed, on his bed of furs, cringing in agony.

What the hell was this damned pain?!

He let out a whimper, head tilting back as a violent tremor shook his lithe, big-bellied frame. His mouth fell open, a shrill scream echoing around the tiny hut. Tears fell down his puffy cheeks and for a moment, he thought, I'm going to die.

---

"T-That sounded like Naruto!"

Kakashi nodded, turning towards the direction of the blood curdling scream.

Iruka began panicking, "Oh my God, what if something is wrong? What if he's been captured! Someone could be torturing him! WHY AREN'T YOU MORE WORRIED!"

Because, Kakashi thought as they raced towards the screams, you're more than worried enough for the both of us.

Finally, when they thought the screams could get no louder, they arrived at what appeared to be a small village filled with people bustling around as if something important was going on.

"HERE!" Iruka jumped as a pile of towels was shoved in his face, "Bring these to Tsunade's hut right away!"

Kakashi and Iruka were soon being shoved along the tide of freaking people towards a hut that was emitting the shrill shrieks of a boy in agony.

"Oh my god!" Iruka whispered as they rushed forward now, trying to make their way there faster, "What the Hell is going on?!"

Needless to say, they were quite surprised when they finally managed to make it into the hut and found Naruto sprawled out with a huge stomach, yanking at brown hair belonging to another teenager and screaming obscenities at him.

"GET THESE DAMNED THINGS OUT OF ME RIGHT NOW!" The blond boy howled, shaking the other boy like a rag doll.

"N-Naruto!?" Kakashi finally managed to choke out, his visible eye wide in disbelief.

Naruto turned, blue eyes focusing on the two men staring, awestruck, at the door, "I-Iruka?" He whispered, totally ignoring the other man, eyes wide and watering, "IRUKA! I'M HAVING A BABY! IT'S KIBA'S FUALT! I HATE HIM!" He sobbed, pointing accusingly at the brown haired boy standing next to him, apparently named Kiba.

Mother-hen instincts turning on to the max, Iruka rushed forward and started fawning over the sobbing boy, as Kakashi just stared dumbly.

"Ah, Hatake-san, how nice to see you again."

Kakashi slowly turned to blink at a black haired youth that had appeared behind him, "Ah, Itachi… I had a feeling something this strange would include you."

Itachi shrugged and drawled, "As honored as I am at the accusation, I'm afraid this IS all Kiba's fault."

Moments later the two men were ushered out by Tsunade, with a horror-struck Kiba following once he saw the needle and the knives. She hadn't managed to get Iruka to leave…

She thought perhaps the man was rabid.

---

"So," Kakashi drawled lazily, looking between Kiba, Naruto's other three suitors, and Itachi (Kisame had wondered off to throw himself into the small pond on the other side of the village), "Naruto is now a werewolf… and pregnant."

Sasuke nodded, eyes narrowing, "You seem very accepting of this, Hatake."

Kakashi shrugged, bored, "I always knew the kid was too cute for his own good."

Neji frowned, leaning forward, "How is it that you know Naruto and Itachi-san…?"

"Itachi hasn't given us a straight answer on his relationship with Uzumaki, either." Gaara drawled.

Kakashi chuckled, "Itachi always was the quiet type, eh? He and Kisame visited our village when Naruto was still young, only around ten or so. The kid was awe-struck and followed him around everywhere while he was there."

"And Itachi LET him?" Sasuke gaped, staring in horror at his bored brother who was staring off at something more interesting than their conversation outside.

"Ah." The mask wearing man grinned, "I think he was quite smitten with our little chibi. No one can resist his cuteness, after all."

"So, how is it you know him?" Gaara cut in with an annoyed twitch to his eye.

"Iruka practically raised the boy," Kakashi replied flippantly, "so I spent a lot of time with him." He turned back towards Kiba, a grin hid behind his mask, "You realize that Iruka is going to kill you, right?"

Kiba only groaned.

It was after a few more minutes of silence that they realized the screaming had stopped, and they all edged back towards the hut.

---

Naruto stared down at the two small beings bundled in his arms with an expression akin to awe. They were so… soft, so small. A grin spread over his face as one of the boys let out a loud yawn, and the other gripped onto his shirt with a tiny, tiny fist.

They were like, miracles in a tiny, chubby package!

**_Awww… they have my eyes!_** Kyuubi purred from inside his cage, tail swinging back and forth violently as he cooed at the small creatures. **_It's a good thing they took after me, since the rest of the men in our family are idiots. Yeeeees._**

Naruto didn't bother telling the demon that the babies couldn't hear his cooing outside.

Iruka, who sat next to the beaming blond, smiled down at them, "What are you naming them, Naruto?"

Large blue eyes blinked as the boy thought for a minute, "Hmm… I think I'd like to name this one," he paused to motion with his chin to the one on his left, "Arashi, after my dad, you know?" Iruka nodded, he had figured the blond would name his first child after his father (not that he had originally thought Naruto would be having the child himself, but it was best not to question these things, really, since he wouldn't understand anyway…) "And Agedashi for this little one." He added, motioning to the baby on the right, wrapped in pink.

Iruka blinked, "Agedashi?"

Naruto nodded vigorously, "Yeah! It's a dish made out of deep fried tofu and broth of some sort! Kyuubi said he loved it back when he was human."

The brunette sweat dropped. Of course Naruto would find some way to name one of his children after food. He did kind of wish he boy with the pink side of the room would have at least had a more normal, manly name… ah, well.

"So, how goes it in there?"

Naruto and Iruka turned to look over at the door, where Kakashi was poking his mask covered face in, "All the blood and… _stuff_ gone?"

Iruka scowled, "Honestly, you call yourself a man! Getting all queasy about the afterbirth!"

Kakashi shrugged, and looked like he wanted to say something else, but the look of murder on Iruka's face kept him from doing so, "Kiba wants to know if he can see his kids."

Naruto shrugged, eyes narrowing, "He had better have brought me beef jerky."

"I'll, uh, relay the message…"

---

Kiba grinned toothily down at his little babies as he leaned over their cradle, waggling his fingers at them. Sure, he had been kind of irked when Naruto had already named their children, but after a warning snarl and a fist to the head (courtesy of Iruka—who also gave him a five hour long lecture on respecting his wife and other random crap he pretended to listen to lest the man beat him… again) he had agreed that they were indeed fine, awesome names.

He didn't complain about the pink for their second son, either.

One bite mark was enough.

"Hey, Naruto?"

Said blond looked up from his stack of baby clothes (he was trying to pick out outfits for his babies to wear), "Yeah?"

"I, uh, heh. They're kind of cute, aren't they?"

Naruto blinked, and grinned, though it took him a while to understand what Kiba was trying to say through his pride.

"Love you too, dog face."

A loud crash suddenly echoed around the village, interrupting the little moment, "DAMNIT, KAKASHI! STOP FLIRTING WITH THAT WOMAN!"

And Naruto and Kiba debated moving to another hut further away from their village's latest members.

"IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP I'M GOING TO SKIN YOU BOTH ALIVE!"

And… a cranky Kisame.

------

The END! Woot!


End file.
